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Bianca Knows Best ... And Helps a California Dreamer

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Dear Bianca,

I've been dating the same guy off and on for six years now, but he's hardly ever home since his job requires him to be on the road for weeks at a time.

I love my boyfriend, but last week I suddenly caught myself daydreaming about a guy who's couch-surfing at a friend's house. The guy is visiting for a few weeks, and he'll be leaving to go home to California soon. We've been hanging out a lot lately and he's expressed an interest in me on several occasions. I don't know him that well, but he seems to have all the traits I look for in a guy.

Now I kind of have the hots for California guy, and I've decided that I really want to kiss him ... just once before he leaves town. Is it wrong to have these desires even though I have a boyfriend? Does it mean that I don't love my boyfriend as much as I think I do? If I act on my feelings and kiss California guy, is that okay, since I'll probably never see him again?

-- Hot for California Dude

Dear Hot,

It's perfectly normal to have a crush on someone else while you're in a relationship, but for the sake of that relationship, you should try to keep hands off. Lips, too.

Crushes are fun. Since you often don't know much about the person you're infatuated with, you can dream up how awesome they must be. But I guarantee you California guy has plenty of flaws (all men do). I doubt one kiss is worth messing up a six-year relationship.

Even if you kissed the couch-surfer and kept the secret from your boyfriend, the guilt could ruin your relationship in the long run. Or worse -- one of your friends could talk about your secret kiss and the news could come back to haunt you.

If you’re certain you're content with your semi-long distance relationship, save your smooches for your boyfriend. But you might want to give the relationship some long, hard thought. The fact that you're not content keeping this crush at a safe distance could be a sign that you're not totally happy with what you have.

If that's the case, talk to your boyfriend about it before spreading your saliva around. Once you've called the current relationship quits, you can be free to make out with couch-surfers the world over. Got a problem? E-mail Bianca at bphillips@memphisflyer.com.

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