I have the hots for a married man. We met in Arkansas at a rock show. I was visiting to see my friend's band play, and the married man is also in the band. I had no idea he was married, and so we made out a little bit.
And then I saw the ring. The dumb-ass wasn't even smart enough to hide it. He admitted that he was married and apologized profusely. We were both pretty buzzed, so we chalked it up to drunken fun.
He called me a week later and said he was coming to Memphis with his band and wanted to meet, just as friends. I was planning on going to the show anyway, so we hung out a bit on completely platonic terms.
That is, until I got drunk again. Then I wanted to make out, but he pushed me away. He said he really needed to be loyal to his wife. I cried and ran out of the bar. That's when I realized I really like this guy. They'll be back in Memphis for another show next month. He wants to hang out again. What should I do?
-- Almost The Other Woman
I have a hard time believing your cheatin' crush really wants to remain loyal to his wife. If you guys began your friendship with a make-out session and he still wants to hang out, it seems more likely that he's really just coming back for seconds.
When he pushed you away, maybe he was a little more sober than you. I bet he's just waiting for the opportunity to get too drunk to make rational choices so you guys can suck face sans the guilt.
So, you can meet up with him again and feed him shot after shot to encourage bad behavior or you can stay at home and be responsible. How would you feel if some girl made out with your husband (if you had one)?
Dating (or sleeping with) a married man can lead to major complications. If things get serious, he'll have to keep you hidden away, so forget about shacking up or settling down with the guy. And just imagine the drama that could ensue if he ever comes clean with his wife.
Your best bet is to call this guy and tell him you've got alternate plans. Don't tell him your true feelings. Just make up something. If you tell him you've got a crush on him, he may admit his feelings too. Then you're back at square one. (And here's another good rule to follow: Don't make potentially life-changing decisions while drunk.) Got a problem? Bianca can solve it. Send advice queries to firstname.lastname@example.org.