Dear Bianca, My live-in boyfriend has a very unusual relationship with his mom. He calls her every day, and while I thought that was kind of cute at first, it creeps me out now. Things really got weird when he started inviting his mom to spend the night at our house.
The first time he invited her to sleep over, I tried to put my foot down. I don't want some lady I barely know, who also happens to be a recovering alcoholic, sleeping on my couch.
But the boyfriend insisted and his mom came over while I was at work. When I came home, I was shocked to find her there. It was completely awkward. He and his mom sat around and watched TV all night, and I had to entertain. I had to cook dinner. I had to make small talk. It sucked.
Now he's considering asking her to come and stay for a few months, since she's losing her house to foreclosure. I'd rather her stay at another family member's house, but my boyfriend wants her here. How can I put a stop to this? Am I being insensitive and bitchy?
The Bitchy Girlfriend
Though you are being a tad bit bitchy, I wouldn't call you insensitive. You and your boyfriend share that space, and both parties should agree when someone is going to be staying over.
Entertaining guests is a lot of work, especially for the person who takes care of the cooking and cleaning. It sounds like that would be you, since your boyfriend sat on his ass all night while his mom was visiting.
If you were uncomfortable around his mom for one night, a few months would be a nightmare. If his mother had nowhere else to go, I'd say suck it up and stop being bitchy. But it sounds like she has other options.
Since you've already tried reasoning with your boyfriend, maybe you should try giving him a taste of his own medicine. Invite someone he doesn't like or doesn't know very well to sleep over. Make it as inconvenient as you can.
Perhaps you could invite someone over that has an annoyingly loud baby or a penchant for non-stop chatter. Or you could invite a girlfriend and schedule a Sex in the City marathon. Make it uncomfortable for him, then try reasoning with him. Hopefully, after he's experienced what it feels like to be uneasy in his own home, he'll understand your position. Got a problem? Bianca can solve it. Send problems to firstname.lastname@example.org.