Bianca Knows Best ... and Helps a Pregnant Woman

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Dear Bianca,

My husband and I are having a baby after five years of marriage. We never really planned on having kids, but this just kind of happened and I’m surprisingly happy about it. Most of our friends, on the other hand, are more concerned with cocktail parties and career advancement than having children. So, I’m a little scared to tell them that I’m having a baby. I’m expecting to hear, “Oh, wow! Do you want to have a baby? Are you sure you’d rather not get an abortion?” In fact, I already got a such a response from the one friend I’ve told.

Obviously, I can’t hide the fact that I’m pregnant forever. Should I just start distancing myself from my friends and make new ones? I doubt they’ll be supportive when the baby is born, and I’m going to have this new responsibility for the next 18 years or so.

— Preggo Party-Pooper

Dear Preggo,

As an unmarried, childless fan of cocktail parties, I can honestly relate more to your friends than to your situation. However, since more and more of my friends have started having babies, I’m realizing that I can’t control what they choose to do with their lives and babies are a fact of life. I’m certainly glad my mom had a baby years ago or I wouldn’t be here. Your friends are really just going to have to accept that your life is not their life.

The reason your friends would rather offer condolences rather than congrats is probably because they’re imagining themselves in your shoes, and they can’t imagine being happy about being pregnant. But once they see how happy you are, they’ll probably change their tune. And when the baby is old enough to do cute stuff, they’ll probably warm up to the idea of you being a mother instead of just a party pal.

You don't have to ditch all your old friends, but you may want to seek out a few new ones who are also parents. Once the baby comes, it’ll need some little friends, so meeting other mothers will mean support for both you and your little one.

Got a problem? E-mail Bianca at bphillips@memphisflyer.com.

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