I married my husband in June 2008. He began to play poker online and met this woman in another state. We started having arguments because he was constantly on the Internet. We separated in August 2009, because I knew something was going on with him and his poker “friend.” I saw text messages in his phone telling her how much he loved her. I found out they started seeing each other five months after we got married.
Last fall, she was diagnosed with breast cancer and he no longer wanted to see this woman, so she got mad — and also told me everything. He’s begged me not get a divorce, but I’ve learned that he manipulates every person he comes into contact with and uses women for their money.
So I went to see a lawyer about a month ago. Now my husband refuses to pay for his part of the divorce. He won’t discuss it with me and ignores my calls and text messages regarding our divorce. He doesn't work, lives with his mom, has no bills, and draws a check every month. I have two teenage daughters by a previous marriage and their father is not consistent in paying child support. I also have a mortgage, among other bills. How do I make him pay the balance of the divorce?
— Fed Up
Dear Fed Up,
Since I’m no attorney, I probably don’t "know best" on this one. I’m sure your divorce attorney is better armed with ways around this situation, since I’m sure your husband isn’t the first cheating asshole to refuse to pay his part of the divorce.
What I can offer is a little humble advice on how to convince the man to agree to divorce. He wants to be able to live the free ride at his mom’s house, sleep around, and stay married to you. Perhaps, he thinks you’ll change your mind and offer him a free ride back at your place.
The key is convincing him that you are dead serious about divorce. Rather than constantly calling and texting him about the divorce, cut off communication entirely for a few weeks. Chances are, he’s relishing in his ability to ignore you. If you stop contacting him, he loses. After several weeks have gone by, maybe he’ll see that he doesn’t need contact (not even strained contact) with you.
Even if that works, it sounds he’s going to have a hard time coming up with his half of the fee. I realize you’re strained for cash, but maybe the full balance is worth saving up for. It’s not fair that you’d have to pay the full amount, especially since he’s the cheating jerkwad. But I’m thinking you’d be a lot happier in the long run if you scraped by for a while and got this thing over with. Having this man in your life seems like a huge burden. But in this case, your lawyer — not Bianca — probably knows best.
Got a problem? E-mail Bianca at firstname.lastname@example.org.