Bianca Knows Best ... and Helps a Woman with a Gay Husband



Dear Bianca,

My husband and I have been together for about two years, and married for the last year. We have a six-month-old daughter together. But I think he’s gay. In fact, he actually told me a few months ago that he had feelings for other dudes.

At first, I was okay with it. I thought, maybe he’s just bisexual. But since he’s confessed, we haven’t been intimate at all. He’s a good guy and a wonderful father. But I’m afraid he’s just not that into me ... or women at all.

When he confessed his secret penchant for men, he told me he’d never said those words aloud before. And he admitted that he’d never actually had any relations with a guy. Though he makes a great dad, I’d like a partner who’s into me, too. Should I leave him in search of a totally straight guy?

— The Straight Wife

Dear Straight,

Um, can we trade? I’ve been trying to turn my super-hetero boyfriend gay forever, and he’s just not having it. Well, maybe not gay per se, because then he wouldn’t like me, but at least bisexual. Oh well. You’re either born with it or you’re not, right?

In all seriousness though, it sounds like your hubby is coming to terms with his true sexuality. It’s too bad he couldn’t have realized that he was gay before he got married and fathered a child. Now you have a baby in the picture, and that certainly complicates things.

However, if your man is into men, there’s not much you can do. Cliched as though it may sound, if you love something, you really have to set it free. Though you’ve entertained the idea that he might be bisexual, the lack of intimacy is a pretty sure sign that he’s not. Your husband will probably be much happier if you let him go. You two could try an open relationship, but that can be messy and complicated. It may be best to break things off and go your separate ways.

In the long run, you’ll probably meet someone else ... hopefully someone who is totally straight. Maybe your current husband will meet the man of his dreams. If so, your child will be blessed. Kids with gay parents usually grow up accepting LGBT people in a way that unfortunately still doesn’t exist in much of mainstream society.

Got a problem? E-mail Bianca at

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