Editors Note: Gentle readers. As most of you know from last week's reporting, an uncommonly large owl has been spotted stealing caps and headphones in Memphis' High Point Neighborhood. With Halloween so close at hand we here at Fly on the Wall think this 20 lb monster bird, currently tweeting under the handle @HighPointOwl, deserves a little fan fiction.
So please, send your owl stories to email@example.com and type Owl Fiction in the subject field. We'll publish our favorite here at FOTW between now and Halloween. Who knows, maybe I can even finagle some prizes for the best of the best.
And now, without further ado... The Great Owl Hunt.
The Following are excerpts from a journal found near the Highpoint area. In it, the author only refers to himself as...The Night Pedestrian.
Entry 1: I've decided to document this case for I fear it may be my last. This morning, while I was checking my hotmail account on the free computer in the back corner of Otherlands, I came across the most curious tweet, nay! A cry for help. In it's 140 character contents was held the face of pure evil...
Reports have flooded the social media pages of memphis describing acts of horror and pure terror. This city is crying for help...or rather, updating it's status for help. And who will answer it's call? Who will fight for its citizens? Who I ask you? WHO?!?!? The Night Pedestrian that's who!!!
Entry 2: My fight begins not with the punching of justice fists, but with the pursuit of knowledge. But my enemy may have a head start on me. According to my initial research most owls appear to be highly educated, and based on their clothing choice, they are not very modest about it either.
Entry 3: Wardrobe aside, I think I may have stumbled on the most disturbing piece of evidence yet. Actually documented evidence of an Owl doing one of the most stereotypically evil things a sentient being could do...
...stealing candy from a CHILD! Does depravity these creatures possess know no bounds?!!?!?!
Entry 4: My research on the beast is done. My mind and body are focused on the task at hand. It's time for me to confront this evil tyrant of casual joggers and friendly pedestrians. The hunt begins tonight. Tonight, I face evil's sharp beak without flinching. I stand up to techories wingspan of hate without wavering. Tonight I fight for every innocent man, woman, and child hiding in their homes in fear, unable to walk the streets safe at night! TONIGHT I FACE DESTINY!!!
Entry 5: The Owl scratched the shit out of my face and stole my iphone.
End of entries.
MIke McCarthy is a Wiseguy and a regular contributor to Fly on the Wall.