Elvis Arisen



3b9d/1246382699-elviswheelchair.jpg OMG, Ya'll. Are you sitting down?

Elvis is alive.

I'll say it again: Elvis. Is. ALIVE.

So sayeth Derek Clontz, an author of words on the Internet. His history-pwning revelation, replete with photos and shocking truth verbs was birthed on the www yesterday here.

What's that? When you go to that link, the website has been taken down by WordPress for violating the terms of service? You better believe it. The fix is in, people. The vast bat-winged conspiracy has its claws in little old Derek, coz they don't want Elvis' #1 fans to know what really happened.

Yeah, but, you know what, WordPress? I've got Google as my co-pilot.

Cached, baby.

Clontz [sic] Quotes:

The stark, black-and-white snapshot taken by a stunned fan on June 26 clearly shows the aging superstar resting in a wheelchair on the grounds of his Graceland mansion in Memphis.

And while nobody can say for sure if The King is back at Graceland to stay, Presley insiders hint that the 74-year-old legend, “if he really is alive, might go public at any minute” if he gets some kind of indication that fans still care.

“I’m not saying Elvis is alive — honestly, I’ve always suspected it, but I’ve never known for sure,” said a close friend of the singer and former member of his close-knit “Memphis Mafia.”

“But I’ll tell you one thing — if that picture of him in the wheelchair is authentic, and it sure looks to me like it is, then you can bet your bottom dollar that El set the whole thing up to find out if people still remember him.

“Elvis isn’t stupid. In fact, he’s one of the smartest people I’ve ever known. If he faked his death and kept himself out of the public eye for 32 years, he sure wouldn’t screw up and let somebody take his picture now, especially one that shows him in a weakened condition and unable to use his legs.

“At least, he wouldn’t ‘screw up’ unless he wanted to. I think that’s what might be going down. He‘s a sensitive guy and I guarantee you he wouldn’t come out of hiding if he felt like fans don’t care about him anymore.

“It‘s easy for me to believe he‘s testing the water before he does something drastic like go on Good Morning, America or Larry King and tell everybody he’s alive.”

The photo included here is, I suppose, copyright Derek Clontz. It was taken, he says, by a name-withheld Graceland visitor from Cheraw, South Carolina.

The truth is out there, and now it's in here, in SING ALL KINDS' belly.

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