Last Sunday, Commercial Appeal Editor Louis Graham penned a column titled "The Constant Lies in the CA Staff." Your Pesky Fly wondered what on Earth might have led Graham to confess such a terrible thing before slowly coming to the realization that "constant" was the noun and "lies" was the verb. The column was Graham's rosy take on Gannett's acquisition of the Memphis daily. "You'll see the staffs of The CA, Tennessean, and another of Gannett's new acquisitions, the Knoxville News Sentinel pool resources on stories of broad statewide interest," he wrote, imagining how great things will be under the new, nearly monopolistic ownership. So maybe "constant" was an adjective after all?
Your phone dings. It's a push notification from WMC: "Breaking: Police search for Incredible Pizza robber." Suddenly your whole world turns into a Batman '66 comic book. You think, "The Incredible Pizza Robber? That fiend!" So, quick as you can, you gather up all your pizza and hide it in a place the IPR will never find it. At least not without the aid of his old partner the Extraordinary Sausage Pirate, who's currently locked away in Arkham Asylum.
Wouldn't it be awesome if a tornado sucked up thousands of zombie Elvis impersonators as it ravaged the countryside, decimating the landscape and creating thousands of new Elvis zombies? According to geek news clearinghouse "Den of Geek," there's a new Elvis movie in the works, and it could be weird. Elvis Lives is a being described as a cop drama featuring an old, drug-addled Elvis, but it comes to us courtesy of the Asylum, a shitsploitation production company best known for Syfy's Sharknado movies.