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Fast Culture

MAPCO Express is about to launch upscale convenience stores in Memphis. MAPCO Marts will allow Memphians on the go to gas up in style, and the hugely expanded markets will feature a food concept that Daily News reporter Andy Meeks has described as "similar to that of a fast-casual restaurant." Rumors are now circulating in hobo circles that parking-lot panhandlers, the loquacious scourge of our local stop-and-stabs, may be allowed to use the F word but will most definitely not be allowed to use the MF word.

Memphis memories

Breathlessly reporting from the heart of a city made for COPS, the Associated Press says: "Police in Memphis say they arrested a man who crashed his car, got shot by a homeowner, broke a restaurant window, then stripped to his underwear." A witness told WMC-TV that the man, who, to be fair, was wearing a shirt, "had to be on some high-powered something."

Save the Weevil

Let us play Dixie for the fallen enemy. In a weird three-part cover series on the boll weevil, The Commercial Appeal reports that the last of the Cotton Belt's mighty adversaries will be dead by 2010. Why should a snail darter or an Ivory Billed Woodpecker have breath, and thou, oh weevil, none at all?

W. Memphis memories

Arkansas' physician licensing board will soon determine whether or not James Miller, a West Memphis doctor accused of freely prescribing pain killers and codeine-laced cough medicine, should lose his medical license. According to a reporter for the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, the good doctor said he had "no idea" that drug abusers mix "purple cough syrup with soda and a Jolly Rancher and drink the cocktail for a euphoric high." We had no idea that there were such simple, cost-effective methods for making the foul brew more palatable.

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