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Weird Headlines

There's nothing better than a clever headline. That's why we feel compelled to tease Commercial Appeal reporter, blogger, and editorial writer Blake Fontenay for the bizarre title topping an otherwise straightforward, generally useful rundown of the difficulties faced by the Riverfront Development Corporation's downtown promenade. "Prom-e-not," which we assume plays off the phrase "probably not," is a confusing construction suggesting that the biggest dance of the school year won't be broadcast over the Internet.

Tinkering around

The Pesky Fly has always warned readers to be cautious when dealing with people who refer to themselves in the third person. Take failed 9th District congressional candidate Nikki Tinker, for example: "This is the real Nikki. You know Nikki is not into doing anything that would separate or divide our community."

Tinker, who approved a commercial that juxtaposed Congressman Steve Cohen's image with that of a Klansman, told WMC-TV that she was sorry if people thought her campaign, which tried to separate and divide a community along racial and religious lines, actually made her seem like the kind of person who would try to separate or divide a community along racial and religious lines.

G'Day, Elvis

Some have suggested that the cult of celebrity that's sprung up around Elvis Presley represents the birth of a new religion. The Sydney Morning Herald has gone so far as to translate Presley's lyrics into (presumably) useful aphorisms such as: "Hula dancers are best judged by their ability to really move that grass around"; "So efficient is the U.S. postal service that it will return an unwanted letter within 24 hours of its initial posting"; and "When inviting a young woman to dance, you may increase your chances by noting that chicken is being served in the barn." Lao Tzu really has nothing to worry about.

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