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Selling Elvis

No matter how bad the economy gets, there always will be a market for stupid, yet incredibly expensive, things. A short, mean-spirited poem written by Elvis Presley sold at auction this week for $20,000 — 10 times its previously overestimated value.

The morbid snatch of poetry, which Elvis reportedly was fond of repeating onstage and off, tells the story of an unlucky songbird that made the mistake of visiting Graceland before the King's second cup of coffee.

The rhyme, scrawled on Elvis' personal stationary, reads, "As I awoke this morning when all sweet things are born, a robin perched on my window sill to greet the coming dawn. He sang his sweet song so sweetly and paused for a moment's lull, I gently raised the window and crushed his [expletive deleted] skull."

Leiber and Stoller, eat your heart out.

Week in Crime

Here's a headline you don't see every day: "Man With One Arm Robs North Memphis Bank." My Eyewitness News reports that police are searching for a lone bandit with a lone arm who robbed the Tri-State Bank on North Hollywood. Security cameras show that the robber put down his gun in order to pocket the money the teller gave him, which doesn't seem nearly as effective or as funny as carrying the loot in his teeth. Somehow he still managed to get away.

Crack on Crack

Last week, Fly on the Wall reported that state representative Joe Towns and state senator Ophelia Ford were sponsoring a bill that would criminalize low-riding pants, forcing misdemeanor charges on unfortunate fashion victims everywhere. It's not clear whether fines, which range from $200 to $1,000, will be based on inches of crack exposed or if hair also will be factored into the equation. Critics worry that this bill could spawn copycat legislation. We're looking at you, cleavage.

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