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Just Justice

Demetri Martin once noted that dishonesty is the second-best policy. And nobody knows this better than Helen Franks of Memphis. When police approached Mrs. Franks and asked her if she knew what kind of plant was growing in her driveway, the 65-year-old grandmother answered, "Yes, reefer." In spite of her candid answer, Franks, recently hospitalized and described by her neighbors as "quiet," was hauled off to the pokie. Better answers might have included: "Beats me," "Nope," and "The seed package said begonia, but I'm starting to wonder."

Weird Wired

According to Wired magazine, IHOP customers in Memphis are obsessed with End of Time prophesies and the Civil War but spend relatively little time talking about vampires.

Babe Sitting

Crime story of the week: "Memphis Man Accused of Sitting on Girlfriend Until She Passed Out." My Eyewitness News reports that Jamal D. Lewis was angry because he'd been calling his girlfriend all day, but she never answered the phone. The story briefly notes that Lewis allegedly punched her in the head several times, too, which may or may not have contributed to her eventual unconsciousness.

Well Bred

Should we be afraid or aroused? A headline in the Canadian Globe & Mail cautions readers, "Beware: Police Women are breeding, just like those Real Housewives." The article, which is somewhat less pornographic than it sounds, focused on the TLC series Police Women of Memphis and warned readers to "never underestimate the appeal of real women with real guns." And who among us can argue with that?

By Chris Davis. E-mail him at

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