Is Shelby County commissioner Terry Roland the John C. Calhoun of West Tennessee? Calhoun, an advocate of secession in the years before the Civil War, once noted, "The government of the absolute majority instead of the government of the people is but the government of the strongest interests; and when not efficiently checked, it is the most tyrannical and oppressive that can be devised." Roland, who sees county secession as a nuclear response to any kind of city/county consolidation, recently told WREG's Mike Matthews, "We're not hollering out here. But we're tired of those in the city saying we're not paying our fair share. And if we're not paying our fair share, why are they trying to get our tax dollars by way of consolidation?" And who can argue with eloquence like that? Who can even understand it?
Waiters of Babylon
Memphis police have closed the strip club Babes of Babylon and arrested 10 employees on charges including illegal drug sales, prostitution, and lewd conduct. The employees arrested listed their names as G'Kar, Vir Cotto, and Shiv'kala the Drakh. Wait, those are the employees of Babes of Babylon 5. Sorry. I meant to write that the employees arrested worked under the names Reality, Fantasy, and Moet.
The Flyer and other media have reported on Westside Middle School's policy of "Urkel"-ing students with sagging pants. In nearly every story, Principal Bobby White defends his methods, saying, "There's something right about looking right, acting right, beginning to think right." The policy seems to be working for now but could wind up like the fifth season of Family Matters when Urkel invented "cool juice" to tranform into the well-dressed Stefan Urquelle. Everybody loved Urquelle until he became insufferably vain.
By Chris Davis. E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org.