Be a Dentist!
File this one under "Life imitates Little Shop of Horrors." Former McDonald's manager Jackson Martin, who spent the past 45 days in jail after brutally beating a 17-year-old employee, was granted diversion by Criminal Court judge James Lammey Jr., who was impressed by the attacker's work ethic (he worked two jobs while attending college) and the fact that he plans to go to dental school.
Grizzlies guard Tony Allen was in a minor fender bender on Mt. Moriah earlier this week. And, modern man that he is, he tweeted the entire event. It began earnestly enough, but things quickly took a turn for the hilarious. Here are the tweets:
• Thank God I'm okay, but this elderly woman is panicking. She think I'm a crook with no insurance. She will not exchange info.
• She say she waiting on the cops but she hit me.
• She called her home gurl as well
• This lady called one of her goons
• My baby has to be in school!! Where the cops at?
• Locking my doors.
The 6'4", 214-pound professional athlete then attached this picture of the scary lady, her menacing home gurl, and the terrifying goon.
It's good to be the king. Or to at least be compared to him. According to a headline at the music website Spinner, "Fatboy Slim Makes Like Elvis and Heads to Vegas for 'Balls-Out' Rooftop Residency." To the best of our knowledge, Elvis kept his jumpsuits zipped while performing.
By Chris Davis. E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org.