Slow-riding down Summer Avenue, blasting womp rats from the backseat of my convertible Dodge hovercraft, is number six on my Memphis bucket list. Thanks, Facebook. You know me so well.
The Commercial Appeal recently spoke with Willie Turner, a North Memphis resident who was watching a little Law & Order on the boob tube last Tuesday when, quite unexpectedly, an 18-wheeler came crashing through his backyard. "I just ran inside because I can't stand to be blown up," Turner said.
Schnucks has signs along the fruit aisle promoting something called Crazy Apples. These could be scientifically altered apples infused with bubblegum flavor and marketed to kids who don't know enough to be grossed out. They might be eggplants, which were once known as "apples of madness." Or they could be regular old apples that mistake your politeness for something more, track down your phone number, call you at inappropriate hours, and start showing up at your house babbling about fate, romance, and destiny.
Burning for You
According to various reports, Memphian Linda McKinnie went on a rampage that began in a Wendy's, where she broke a window with her chair. Then she continued on to a nearby K-Mart, where she set multiple fires inside the store. Maybe she'd gotten into the crazy apples?