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Fly on The Wall

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Verbatim
After years of telling restaurants to clean up, WMC-TV consumer advocate Andy Wise claims to have received either the "most bizarre" or the "most honest" response from a restaurant owner. The Corned Beef House on Jackson received a failing health department score of 68, due to mold and mildew and because cockroaches were crawling on the meat slicer. The Corned Beef House's owner, Alice Anderson, declined to speak on-camera, but in a telephone interview, she told Wise, "That's not true. We don't have any roaches. I had sprayed. They were already dead, and I had cleaned them off."

Free At Last
Only 148 years after the executive order was signed by President Abraham Lincoln, a press release from Governor Bill Haslam's office reads, "Governor Haslam announces Emancipation Proclamation Coming to TN." More accurately, the original document is coming to the Tennessee State Museum for six days in 2013 in conjunction with a National Archives multimedia exhibit.

Neverending Elvis
• "Don't be cruel," celebrity reporter Liz Kelly Nelson writes before engaging in what can only be described as cruelty: "A new species of monkey discovered in Vietnam isn't exactly attractive, but it bears a striking resemblance to dearly departed rock idol Elvis Presley." Though dubbed the "Elvis monkey" because of its natural pompadour hairstyle, the resemblance is somewhat less than "striking."

• Elvis Presley and Priscilla Presley's 1972 settlement documents were recently sold by Heritage Auctions for $8,963. Unsurprisingly, they have since been referred to as "The King" of all divorce papers.

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