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Wooden Heart

Cheryl and Dennis Reas are innovative iron chefs of the deep-fried fair-food circuit. The couple has introduced such mouth-watering delicacies as the jelly doughnut burger, the ice cream cheeseburger, and the deep-fried Kool-Aid ball. But this season, the Reases are going Memphis-style.

Their company, Carousel Foods, is rolling out an Elvis burger: a quarter-pound of ground beef, two slices of bacon, peanut butter, a banana, buttered buns, and the diner's choice of traditional toppings. Or, as they describe it on the midway, health food.

Beach Shack

Weddings are different in Canada, apparently. Jill Dwyer, manager of the Great Canadian Shoreline Cleanup, told a reporter for the Victoria Times Colonist that debris found on Canadian beaches would "help host a pretty elaborate wedding." Some washed-up items included an engagement ring, wedding dress, cake topper, voodoo doll, underwear, fake fingernails, fireworks, 17 bags of dog excrement, and an Elvis costume.

Dirty, Dirty Feeling

According to "The Local," a German news website, the promise of an "erotic" church service got the European media all excited but "failed to be the taboo-breaking celebration of sex" that everyone had hoped for. The sermon, which pastor Ralf Schmidt had billed as a meditation on God's gift of physical love, was a letdown because it "featured neither practical demonstrations nor adult language." Schmidt did describe his backside, hands, tongue, penis, and earlobes as the "landing spots of love" and led the congregation in a slow, swaying dance while the organist played "Love Me Tender."

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