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UPS, Mo' Money Taxes, and Blunts

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Brown Town
Good news for Memphis International Airport and for job seekers who look good in brown. Although passenger service at the appropriately initialed MIA declined by nearly two-thirds over the past decade, cargo flight activity will increase when the Atlanta-based UPS company doubles its sorting capacity in Memphis.

"Our success on the cargo side will help us as we continue our relentless quest for affordable, frequent passenger service," said Memphis and Shelby County Airport Authority chairman Jack Sammons. At present, the primary obstacle to increasing passenger flights is the inability to fit fully grown humans into a UPS express box.

No Mo' Money
There will be no "life after death" for Mo' Money Taxes, the tax preparation service whose wild commercials seemed to promise everything from speedy returns to physical resurrection. Last week, a federal judge issued a permanent injunction prohibiting the owners from running a similar business or preparing tax returns for other people. Adding insult to injury, and in spite of some inspired script writing ("It's on like a pot of neckbone"), the Mo' Money crew was once again snubbed by the Emmys.

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I Love Blunts
Ricky Ricardo Montgomery of Memphis had some splainin' to do last week. He apologized in court to the man he robbed at gunpoint last year. Then Montgomery, who admitted to smoking an impressive 30 blunts a day, issued this heartfelt apology to his wife: "I know how hard I have to fight to be the husband you desire." He was sentenced to 18 months in prison. Fred and Ethel were unavailable for comment.

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