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Fly on the Wall

The best of Fly on the Wall for 2013



If it was weird, notable, or quotable in 2013, your Fly on the Wall was on it. Here's a recap of the year in Fly.

Mayor A C Wharton's plea to Congress regarding the fiscal cliff as quoted by American Public Media's Marketplace radio program: "Do something even if it's wrong. But do something. And if it's what we like, we'll smile. If it ain't what we like, hell, we'll get over it."

Public Enemy
Memphis police arrested WMC reporter Jason Miles on New Year's Eve, following an alleged chest-bumping incident that occurred after a Beale Street police officer asked Miles to move his news van. Miles' visit to 201 Poplar was, apparently, less contentious. On January 1st, he tweeted, "The jail staff could not have been more courteous and professional."


"It's just amazing they would be that dumb." — Guido Boggioni, who claims that he and his wife Bonnie Jonas-Boggioni of Plano, Texas, were stopped by police near Memphis because officers mistook an Ohio State University Buckeye logo on their car for a "marijuana sticker." According to reports, neither the Tennessee Highway Patrol nor the Shelby County Sheriff's Office has a record of the stop.

Motherf@#$ing Goose
Memphis rapper Project Pat told how he learned to rhyme. "I used to have this little CD with all these nursery rhymes on it," Pat said. "So I would listen to the melody of the nursery rhymes and replace the words in it with street words."


Best Arrest 2013
Jamie Jeanette Craft was taken into police custody last week after what can only be described as a series of really unfortunate choices. The 29-year-old Jonesboro woman, who had no pants or shoes on and had been drinking, drove her Pontiac Grand Am into a mobile home. Then she was arrested for DWI after attempting to escape the scene in a child's battery-operated Power Wheels truck. Unable to get anywhere in the toy vehicle, Craft, who was described as "uncooperative" and barely able to stand, was also charged with public intoxication, disorderly conduct, leaving the scene of an accident, and driving with a license that was suspended or revoked. There was no mention of grand theft Power Wheels.

Finger Food
Either the Gus's Fried Chicken in Collierville serves a completely different menu from the downtown location or the Commercial Appeal's website deserves a prize for creating history's greatest typographical error. This excerpt from an article titled "Center Street makeover gets mixed reviews" suggests that Collierville is looking to attract a very special kind of food tourism: "'I think it's going to be good for the whole town and especially Town Square. It'll bring tourists to this area,' said general manager Debi McCaffrey for Gus's Fried Children at 215 S. Center." Oh no! Gus's tasty meat is made of people!

Cruel, Inhuman, etc.
I think we can all agree there are few crimes more despicable than teenage sex trafficking. But I think we can also agree that, if there's any truth in this prepositional-phrase-laden headline from the Chattanooga Times Free Press, there are few punishments more cruel than this poor bastard's: "Man gets decade in Memphis for trafficking teen girls for sex." Let's all hope that the article's contradictory lead sentence was correct and a federal judge in Memphis sentenced a man to 10 years "in prison."


Pole Dancer
In the event that you didn't see this viral photograph of an MPD cruiser swinging on a pole like Janis Fullilove, here you go.

Happy Birthday
Best Arrest, 2013 Runner-Up: Jamie Williams ended her 25th birthday in jail after an incident The Commercial Appeal rather generously referred to as a "bizarre altercation." According to the CA, Williams was arrested for DUI, reckless driving, disorderly conduct, public intoxication, and driving on a suspended license. She was apprehended after attempting to use her car to hit the people with whom she'd been arguing. While in the police car, Williams loosened the screws on the car's seat, faked a seizure, licked the windows, kicked the windows, and then stuck her hands down her pants and "manually stimulated" herself.


Getting High
Michael and Spencer Stoner have started a "soft wash" service (whatever that is) and given it the best name in the history of Stoner-owned soft-wash services:

Two Stoners on a Roof. These signs on Walnut Grove depict what appears to be a giant truck-shaped hookah. There's no mention of rates, but we hope these guys charge time-and-a-half after 4:20.


Shit My Daily Says
Tony Allen is a forward? Who knew?


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