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The Cheat Sheet

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A national survey ranks Memphis Light, Gas and Water dead last in customer satisfaction among the nation's 76 largest utilities. Just a few years ago, MLGW was at the top of the list, but customers apparently got tired of high rates and frequent power outages. "We know our rates are low," an MLGW official told The Commercial Appeal. Really? Then maybe he'd like to take a look at some of our recent bills.

Quite a few places around town seem to really want the old Libertyland carousel, among them the Children's Museum, AutoZone Park, and even Mud Island. So let's see: We couldn't get anybody to ride that thing before, but for some reason these places now think it will be a big tourist draw?

A Schnucks employee went berserk and stabbed seven of his co-workers, before being stopped by a Good Samaritan who pulled a Glock out of his truck and ordered the attacker to stop. We know many people will argue this is a convincing argument against gun control, and in this case a bystander with a licensed handgun did come in mighty handy. But before everyone gets all gung-ho about packing heat, we should consider this: If that same Schnucks employee had come to work that day with a gun instead of a knife, his victims would've been taken to the morgue instead of the hospital.

FedEx reports its profits are down, which means the company's top executives won't see the rather generous bonuses they usually do. CEO Fred Smith, for example, will only get a bonus of a little more than $2 million, instead of the $2.8 million he got last year. Gee, we can certainly relate to that -- wait a sec. No, we really can't.

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