The Cheat Sheet

| April 05, 2007

Police answer a disturbance call in Bartlett, where they find a homeowner with a broken nose. The husband, it turns out, had called his wife "psychotic," and she slugged him. Let that be a lesson to husbands everywhere. When your wife asks a question such as, "Does this dress make me look psychotic?" do NOT say yes.

City officials in Lakeland, trying to determine their community's exact population, are forced to mail out a second census form because so few of the first forms are completed and returned. Well, that should tell them something, shouldn't it?

This sounds like

one of those "couldn't possibly be true" stories, but unfortunately it is not. After a Whitehaven storeowner is murdered during a holdup, police quickly pin the crime on one man -- a convicted sex offender who, as part of his sentencing, was wearing an ankle-tracking bracelet that allegedly placed him at the scene during the crime.

Edmund Ford pays off his $13,320 utility bill so Memphis Light, Gas and Water won't cut off service to his mortuary firm. The city councilman then tells a reporter, "Go do something else now." No, we think we'll keep an eye on you -- and all the other "special friends" of MLGW -- for quite some time.

The state senate unanimously approves a measure that would prevent law enforcement officers from confiscating Tennesseans' firearms during an emergency or natural disaster. Uh, was this ever a possibility? It seems to us that cops would have their hands full with other things.

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