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The Rant

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I'm referring to his little trip the other day to the Gulf Coast and to New Orleans. Instead of going to the Ninth Ward, the hardest-hit part of the city that is a giant heap of mold-covered garbage, homes leveled to their foundations, and people living in the streets screaming not to be run out of town on a rail, he propped himself up against a touristy mural in a visitor's center in the Garden District of all places and told the world that New Orleans is a "heck of a place to bring your family" and eat some great food and have some wonderful fun. I have lived in New Orleans and have been in love with that city all of my life and want it to come back as desperately as the next person, but a "heck of a great place to bring your family"? I guess if your family is not allergic to mold and doesn't mind seeing people living in tents as you saunter through the garbage to get to the lovely Garden District, which, thank goodness, didn't get hurt as badly as it could have, then, yes, take 'em on down! Or you could do what the Bush did -- spend a few hours in New Orleans amid all the carnage, or at least across town from it so the photo op would be better, and then jet off, in a plane paid for with the tax dollars of those who lost everything, to an ocean-side mansion in Palm Beach, Florida, to raise a cool $4 million to help a bunch of crooked politicians get reelected. That sounds like a much better plan to me. It gives me such a headache to listen to him I think they need to name an aspirin after him. Or maybe they already have: BC (Bush crime) powder (no, not that kind of powder, even though it would be appropriate). If they do make a medication named after him, I want to create the television commercials for it. "Do you suffer severe headaches when you see or hear your president make a fool of himself on a repeated basis? If so, ask your doctor about this new medication. Studies show it helps relieve Bush-related headaches three times faster than any other aspirin on the market today. After hearing the president butcher the English language over and over and over and over and do everything within his power to show that he is totally out of touch with the real world, if your head starts to hurt and you don't think it will ever stop, take just two tablets and within hours you'll notice a huge difference. Side effects from the new Bush headache medicine may include, but are not limited to, the inability to pronounce the word "nuclear," uncontrollable lying, walking like you have a jack hammer up your rectum, permanently crossed-eyed when trying to make out the big words on the teleprompter, siring children who scream at their security folks when told they can't have another margarita because they've had one too many, uncontrollably babbling in a fake Texas accent, illegally spying on people, alienating most other countries in the world, and surrounding yourself with people who still think Middle Ages-esque torture is a good thing." Now, that is for those of you who still care what the man does. I'm too busy running around like a maniac trying to find out if anyone I know taped the live episode of Will & Grace with Matt Lauer that aired last week.

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