Opinion » The Rant

The Rant



I guess no matter how gross Tony Blair might be, you have to at least give him credit for knowing to turn off the microphone. Yep, in case you were in outer space the other day on the shuttle that can travel to other planets but can't land back home if the sky is cloudy (what is up with that?), Blair and his little buddy George Bush were chowing down together at the G8 summit, and when the topic of the current crisis in the Middle East came up, George said something about sending Condoleezza Rice in to save the day and then followed that by proclaiming to Blair, "What they need to do is to get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this shit." And he appeared to be saying this with his mouth full of food. This very well might be the first thing he's ever done that I like. Well, I did think it was funny a few years ago when he didn't know the microphone was on and called a reporter an "asshole" under his breath. But yeah. The worst violence in the Middle East in years (well, violence that the United States didn't start) and that was his reaction. He's definitely a scholar. I just wish he were there in Israel with CNN's Anderson Cooper. While I usually really like Cooper, he really cracked me up. The first time I saw him covering the "shit" he was wearing a bulletproof vest. Then the next time I looked up at him he had added a big, oversized helmet to his ensemble, and it was engulfing his entire little head. Like a helmet was going to protect him from a rocket. I'm kind of shocked that George was flippant about this new round of warfare, what with all of that oil around there. I figured he would be jumping up and down and would have that cross-eyed look on his face that he gets when he's either not getting his way or if he's having to think or try to pronounce a word correctly or complete a sentence and have it make sense. And what does he think Condoleezza Rice is going to do? Walk in there and scold the countries? Oh, well. Maybe she'll get some shoe shopping in while she's there. But enough about all of them and all of that. Who wants to think about things that are unpleasant? I just saw a truly cheesy television commercial for the new film, World Trade Center. There was a lot of very moving, symphonic music and big special effects just like you would expect. But a character in the commercial actually uttered this line to a fellow character while they were both apparently trapped in one of the buildings after it was bombed: "Can you see the light?" Then more big cheesy music followed. Ugh. This looks like it has makings for something truly putrid. I hope whoever made it is donating the profits and not actually making money from it. And I had better stop now with writing about it or I might write what I really think and get in big trouble. I would Google it to find out more about it, but I just don't have time. I did, however, recently Google the famous "That would be in the butt, Bob" answer from a woman on The Newlywed Game, who had been asked where was the weirdest place she'd ever made whoopee. The story was thought be an urban legend -- even by the show's host, Bob Eubanks -- until the clip was found. I love nothing more than great urban legends and conspiracy theories. I don't for one minute believe the recent stories about the FBI breaking up terror plots in the U.S. I firmly believe that it's just more Bush administration horse-crap to make us think we need him and to vote for all of the mighty Republicans running for office this fall so we don't "cut and run" in Iraq. I don't buy it. And I wish someone would make them stop doing that shit.

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