I am confused. Not that that s anything new. Not long ago I tried to make a phone call with the television remote control. It was only when I looked up to see that my favorite show, Let s Talk About Jesus, hosted by the Reverend Wayne Webb, had been changed to an infommercial about spaghetti cookers with built in strainers, that I realized my folly. And, of course, I bought the spaghetti cookers, most of which I gave away to unsuspecting victims who, like myself, have likely never used them. But was confuses me is this quote as reported by the Associated Press: They ve been teaching me to how to talk . . . Things like, You are lying, I m not stupid. I just assumed that was from George W. Bush discussing what his spokespersons told him to tell the media now that it has come out that he knew Iraq never really had any real weapons of mass destruction and that he planned this war a long time ago for other reasons. But it wasn t George who said that. He s probably still working on it. The other thing I m confused about is that for one split second the other day, I almost found myself being just a tiny bit glad he was president. Oh, don t worry. It was the most fleeting of moments. It was just that, if he weren t, I probably would never have gotten the new bumper sticker I got the other day from someone in California that reads: W.W.J.D WHAT WOULD JENNA DRINK? It was between that and one that read: SAVE THE ENVIRONMENT: PLANT A BUSH BACK IN TEXAS. It was a tough call, but I chose the Jenna sticker because I feel sorry for her. I mean, what young woman, even though under age, would NOT have to have a cocktail now and then to cope with having that creature for a father? The other thing I am confused about and I know I promised not to harp on the same thing over and over, but I can t help it is, yet again, physician and syndicated columnist Dr. Gott. I think he is being censored. Like many of you who rip the Flyer open each week to read News of the Weird, I tear into The Commercial Appeal each morning to read the good doctor because he takes on topics that most doctors wouldn t even discuss with their patients. Things like people s vaginas sinking into their rectums and testicles that end up in wrong parts of the body and teenage kids who defecate in their pants and wet the bed and lay there in their own urine and really, really great things like that. But it has been weeks since Dr. Gott has addressed any such issues. Now it s all about hypertension and swollen livers (no, I did not send that question to him) and people whining about their doctors not taking enough time to explain things to them. The last I checked, they even cut his column down from two questions and answers to just one. One really boring one. Nothing about adult diapers, misplaced sexual organs, or anything very exciting. And I would like an explanation for this. Has Dr. Gott simply been slipping, or are the editors at The Commercial Appeal editing out all the good letters. Would someone please let me know so I can stop obsessing and writing about this? Thank you. In the meantime, here s a brief look at some of what s going on around town this week. Tonight, there are two plays opening: Three Sisters (about a family of dreamers who want to Moscow and leave their lives behind) opens at the Breezeway Theatre at TheatreWorks; and House & Garden (two related comedies performed at the same time on two stages) opens at the University of Memphis Main Stage. Third Thursdays: After Dark at The Dixon Gallery and Gardens offers the opportunity to view the museum and see a screening of Michelangelo Antonioni s The Cry, a film about a working class mechanic who quits his job to embark on a migratory lifestyle. If you want to hear some live jazz by The Joyce Cobb Trio, enjoy cocktails, and see of the best views of Downtown Memphis and the Mississippi River you ll ever see, check out Sunset Atop the Madison (every Thursday evening from now until the end of summer, with different entertainers each week) at the Madison Hotel. Beanpole, Crash Into June, and The Inevitables are at the New Daisy tonight. Nokie Taylor is at CafÇ Zanzibar on South Main Street. And if you haven t been touristy lately, go down to Beale Street and hear James Govan and his band at Rum Boogie. Absolutely one of the best shows in the city.