WARNING: THIS PAGE CONTAINS ADULT CONTENT. Well, not any content that anyone would think was actually written by an adult. I ve certainly never been accused of that. It s just that there s a lot of sex, drugs, and rock & roll out there that the mainstream media isn t covering and I feel it my duty to bring it to the public s attention. First of all, there s the story that just broke about an aspiring actor in Hollywood. It seems that he hired an agent in an attempt to further his career. When he told said agent that his name was Peter van Lesbian, the agent was a bit shocked and told him he would have to change his name. The actor was outraged, and refused to change his name, which went back hundreds of years in his family. Well, some years later the agent got this note and a $50,000 check in the mail: Dear Agent, just wanted to let you know that I finally took your advice and changed my name. You were right and I turned out to be very successful. The 50 grand is just a token of my appreciation. Sincerely, Dick van Dyke. See? You won t hear that kind of thing on the Today Show with Katie and Matt. And just what do you think Mick Jagger said when he caught Keith Richards having sex with Dennis Weaver? Hey, you, get off of McCloud! I told you there was sex and rock & roll going on. On to other matters that are actually not the fabrications of a sick mind, not to mention stolen from friends, a friend of mine got his cell phone bill the other day and there were two $1.50 charges listed as toilet flushing and train passing. Come again? Does anyone out there have an explanation for this. My friend is in great distress, scared that every time he takes a leak he s going to have to pay for it on his cell phone bill. He is also petrified of passing trains now. I ve instructed him to file a lawsuit for loss of enjoyment of life. But if anyone can explain this, please send in a letter to the editor and let us know. And why this one got buried I don t know. The other morning in Brooklyn, there was a terrible crime of passion, which merited a short Reuters article titled Woman Kills Man with Her High-Heeled Shoe. Yep, a guy named Roosevelt Bonds saw his ex-girlfriend Anna Rhinehart dining in a restaurant with another man. He got her outside and attacked her, punching her in the mouth and knocking out her two front teeth. In retaliation, the 220-pound angry ex sat on Bonds and clubbed him to death with her size-12 high-heeled shoe. Ouch. She was charged with manslaughter and criminal possession of a deadly weapon. It was her shoe, a detective on the case was quoted as saying. My question is: Where are the visuals? Where are the photos of this 220-pound shoe murderer? Why didn t this make the airwaves? Come on media, give me something to live for! Even if we just get to see the murder weapon, that would be better than nothing. Oh, well. We ll just have to wait and see. In the meantime, here s a brief look at some of what s going on around town this week. Tonight s Third Thursdays: Art After Dark at The Dixon at The Dixon Gallery and Gardens features Tha Movement and guests from the Stax Music Academy performing a Neoclassic Memphis Soul Review salutes both old and new music. The Bill Burtch Cabaret Show at Melange tonight, I Was Born This Way, is a humorous musical trip through the gay experience (also showing Sunday night). Tonight s Sunset Atop the Madison party on the rooftop of the Madison Hotel features jazz by The Joyce Cobb Trio. And last but certainly not least, it s finally time for the Ultimate Fighting show at PT s Showclub, where The Ladies Get Down & Dirty Fighting Their Way to Win the Championship Title and where Paramedics Will Be on Hand In Case of Any Emergency.