THURSDAY, MAY 9: There is a lot in the news these days about, well, about doody. First of all, there s the new proposal to keep the downtown horses and carriages away from restaurants. My, what a good idea. Take one of the best things about downtown, one of the many things that give it so much character, and screw it up. Last time I checked, the horses and carriages do not actually ride into Chez Philippe or McEwen s or Felicia Suzanne s or Automatic Slim s. Perhaps if you are out on the patio at one of the Beale Street restaurants, you might get a whiff, but Beale isn t exactly known for fine dining experiences. Good food at some places, sure. But there are a lot of smells on Beale that aren t too far off from horse poop. You know, all those European tourists. And then there s Mayor Herenton s proposal to raise the waste-management tax in the suburbs by 45 percent. Is it just me, or is this a very politically correct way of saying he is sick of their shit? I tend to believe that s the case. And speaking of the burbs, how about this latest annexation of Countrywood or Wood Country or Country Valley or whatever the place is called? As bad as you people probably don t want to be annexed into Memphis, believe me: We hate it more than you do because we DO NOT WANT YOU. Yes, I m sure many of you are fine people. But we already have enough white bread to deal with. Some of you live there because it s within close proximity to your jobs and because you think the schools out there are better. Then there are those of you who live out there because you don t want to live among African Americans. And you can lie and justify your reasoning all you want. But THAT is why you are there. Like you re going to somehow get away someday. Well, ask the folks who fled to the Hickory Hill area 10 years ago and see what they say. And then there are those of you who live out there because you are close to the Wolfchase Galleria, and you should simply be deported to another continent. I say, if we are going to annex any place, it should be El Dorado, Arkansas, hometown of my new personal heroes. In case you didn t catch it, there was some hot news out of that town last week about two guys who got drunk and rode their horses through the food section of the town s Wal-Mart, swinging lassos and shouting obscenities at the police. And, here we go again, they let the horses lay a big pile of poop at the entrance of the store. They eventually got caught and had to go to court to face charges of public intoxication and galloping under the influence, and apparently no one in the courtroom save for the old stick-in-the-mud judge could keep from laughing. Both of the drunken horseback riders were sentenced to a fine and ordered to write letters of apology to the town and to the store to be run in the town s newspaper. They were to have been there last Friday, and despite the 407 times I have checked, the letters so far have not been published. But I will be diligent and see if I can t find copies of them somewhere. One can only pray that the letter might say: "Dear Wal-Mart, dude, where s my horse?" Until then, here s a look at some of what s going on around town this week. Today, and each Thursday in May, you can have lunch at The Dixon Gallery and Gardens Terrace CafÇ at noon, during which time Just Catering will be serving up lunch on china with cloth napkins. Tonight s African-American Works Recital at Asbury Methodist Church features soprano Leandria Jack and baritone Kenneth Overton performing songs with lyrics by African-American poets as well as spirituals and selections from Porgy and Bess. The Amazing Rhythm Aces are playing tonight at the Lounge. And Bobby Memphis, Fred Whitber, and Hunky Rusty Lemon are at Alex s (if you miss them, they ll be at the Blue Monkey on Tuesday). FRIDAY, MAY 10: Tonight s art openings are at Albers Fine Art Gallery for "From the Stacks: Three Women Artists," works by Katherine Gore, Molly Hussey, and Marga Hayes Ingram; Jay Etkin Gallery for "Pink Flamingos and Other Animals" by Larry Edwards; and at the Southside Gallery down in Oxford for an exhibit of photography by the legendary Ernest Withers. Today s big 44th Annual Greek Fest at Annunciation Greek Orthodox Church on Highland is one of the best in town, with Greek food, music, dancing, a gift bazaar, and more. Down in Tunica, Manhattan Transfer is playing at Gold Strike Casino. And here at home, there s live music by Nancy Apple and Jay Harrington at the Pig On Beale; The Gabe & Amy Show at the Bon-Ton CafÇ; The Tony Lyons Band at Dan McGuinness Pub; Burnside Exploration with Club Dub at the Full Moon Club above Zinnie s East; The Pawtuckets, The Great Depression, and The F-Holes at the Hi-Tone; The Hollywood All-Stars at Wild Bill s; Neighborhood Texture Jam with The Tearjerkers and The Inevitables at Young Avenue Deli; and, as always, The Chris Scott Band at Poplar Lounge.