Bianca Knows Best ... And Helps a Guy Who's Lost His Best Friend



Dear Bianca,

My best friend and I have known each other for three years. We used to talk daily, and we'd go to the movies and have dinner with our partners. Earlier this year, my friend and his partner met another couple that they hit it off with.

Since then, it feels like my friend and I have lost the connection we had. Now I don't hear from my friend unless I call or text him. I know he and his new friends have been getting together and doing things without me and my partner, and that hurts.

I asked him if he and his partner preferred their company to ours. He said that wasn't the case and that things just happened spontaneously with them. I want to believe him, but my gut tells me he isn't telling me the truth. He always says that he's so busy between his career and his two kids. I question that because no matter how busy I am, I can still find a minute to call or text a friend just to say hello.

I don't like confrontations so I don't know if I want to pursue the issue with him anymore than I already have for fear of upsetting him and losing his friendship completely.

Should I just accept the fact that things have changed between us and leave it at that or should I pursue the issue? I hate to sound like a jealous person, but when you don't have many close friends, it feels like a slap across the face being treated this way by the only real one you thought you had.

-- Feeling Left Out

Dear Feeling Left Out,

I received the My So-Called Life box set for my birthday a few weeks ago, and I've been re-watching those old episodes over and over. Mostly because I'm still in love with Jordan Catalano, which has nothing to do with your problem.

But there is something in the pilot episode that is very relevant for you. In that episode, high school student Angela (the main character) abandons her childhood best friend Sharon in favor of the wild-and-crazy Rayanne Graff. There's a tearful scene in the girls bathroom when Sharon confronts Angela. During their conversation, the viewer thinks for a minute that the two might stand a chance at repairing their friendship. But by the time the scene is over, the viewer understands that the two have simply grown apart. It's happened to all of us, and it sucks.

You can't force your friend to stay close to you. That doesn't mean he's no longer your friend, but you may have to accept the fact that you won't be hanging out as often or talking daily.

Best friends aren't always forever, but so long as you stay on good terms, you and your former BFF can probably remain friends. He'll just lose the "best" title. I wouldn't take it personally. He might simply be really busy, like he said, but he's obviously not prioritizing you like he once did. Take that as a sign that you're growing apart. Stay in touch, but don't press the issue.

Though it hurts to lose a best friend, a new one will surely come along in due time. And cliched as it may sound, time really does heal all wounds.

Bianca will be on vacation next Tuesday, so this advice column will return in two weeks. Got a problem? E-mail Bianca at

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