Restaurant Patron Wishes Burlesque Dancers Would Empower Themselves after Dinner Rush



Would you like a hot apple pie?
  • Would you like a hot apple pie?
Midtown — Derrick Sanders had just sat down to a tasty burger from his favorite neighborhood dive when he heard the opening bars of “Poker Face” and realized, “Oh no, it’s another burlesque show.” Sanders, who had taken a survey on Feminist literature in college to win back his ex, became visibly uncomfortable at the idea of strangers liberating their sexuality as he enjoyed his meal.

The troupe, introduced as Blush City Burlesque by host Iona Vibrator, appeared to be comprised of half a dozen otherwise sensible women prepared to dance suggestively for a room filled with people who wanted nothing more than to spend their Tuesday evening eating burgers and maybe some nachos or onion rings.

“Don’t get me wrong, I respect a woman’s right to choose and everything,” said Sanders as he quickly ate his steak fries, “but I wish they’d chosen to perform after nine. This is worse than when the high school punk bands play.”

He then tried, to no avail, to signal his waiter Gary, who was presently transfixed by Betty Trubble’s interpretation of The Flintstones theme song. When reached for comment, Gary exclaimed, “Woo!”

Faced with the grim reality of having to clap politely every three to five minutes, Sanders departed before his brownie a la mode could arrive, leaving an undetermined sum of money on the table. In the future, he plans to patronize restaurants with smaller floor plans.

Robert Callahan is a Wiseguy and regular contributor to Fly on the Wall.

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