Rick Ross was in town this week to open his 25th WIngstop restaurant, and his 5th in Memphis. Mayor Wharton, eager to encourage economic opportunity, was on hand to greet Ross and present him with a "key to the city." Fly on the Wall has since obtained a list of additional fringe benefits the City of Memphis is willing to offer "job creators" in order to stimulate growth.
As we already know, 5 Wingstops = Key to the City. But that's only the beginning.
10 BBQ joints = Mayor for the Day
3 Payday Loan Stores = 1 night stay in the Jungle Room at Graceland (sleeping bags not included)
5 Family Dollars = city council position
3 pawn shops = 2.5 Wingstops
5 wig shops = 1 free wig shop
3 gun shops = Naming rights to a Mud Island monorail.
Rent one floor in One Commerce Square, get one free deed to One Commerce Square.
5 convenience stores = a 24 hour commission as a riverboat captain (captain's hat not included)
1 Bring a major film production crew to Memphis, get use of the Pyramid as personal tomb.
3 coffee shops = Lunch with the County Commissioner of you choice. At one of your coffee shops. On you. Hippie.
4 liquor stores = Shea Flinn will play Risk with you in City Council chambers.
Reopen Celebration Station— AC Wharton will hold a press conference to passionately kiss you.
3 pancake restaurants = a ballad about you sung by Amy LaVere
5 title loan stores: You are surgically attached to Janis Fullilove.
Opening a facility that employs more than 209 people means you may assert primae noctis rights throughout Shelby County for one year.
Open a Farm to table local green fork restaurant = Taylor Berger personally takes care of any "issues" you may have.
Avoid indictment for one year while a city official and get a free Jerry's Sno Cone (Supreme not included).
Open 3 Low Credit No Credit style car dealerships = Automatically become Superintendent of the Unified School District.
Fly on the Wall is compiled by Chris Davis with funniness provided by The Wiseguys.