Although your Pesky Fly has been a Memphis resident since Reagan was in the White House, I do occasionally like to check in on news from back home. Especially news like this story
of a man falsely accused by the police of carrying a carton of Newport cigarettes, a broken glass pipe, and a tire gauge in his anal cavity. Turns out (surprise, surprise) the arrest warrant was a bit off base. According to a report from the Montgomery County Sheriff's office, those items were all found on Jason Dondi Littleton. He was just carrying them in his clothing, not in his butt.
To give the officers the benefit of the doubt, this is also the facial expression I make when I'm trying to be nonchalant with 20 packs of menthols in the trunk.