Well, the election won't exactly mean "Gay Shariah Law" (with pot), as Chris Davis posted on his Facebook page this morning, but it does mean that Obama supporters are feeling pretty good today. Count them among the "winners" of the 2012 election.
And the losers? Well, let's take a look at just who won and who lost.
Winner: The New York Times polling guru Nate Silver, who aggregated all the polls, stirred them up with his magical formulas, and boldly predicted almost the exact Electoral and popular vote margins.
Losers: Right-wing poll "truthers," who insisted all the polls were "skewed" by over-sampling Democratic voters. Also included in this category is Karl Rove, who was insisting until the last minute that "his math" was superior to every other pollster's.
And let's not forget Fox News "analyst" Dick Morris, who was calling for a Romney "landslide" just last week, and dear Peggy Noonan of the Wall Street Journal, who wrote a column this week saying she felt a "vibration" that told her Romney was going to win big. She also passed along this revelation to Fox News, which dutifully ate it up.
Winner: Ninth District Congressman Steve Cohen, who trounced challenger George Flinn by a 3-1 margin, though he was not particularly gracious in victory.
Loser: The aforementioned Flinn, who spent nearly $2 million to win a quarter of the electorate by running as "Dr. Flinn." His biggest mistake, in my opinion, was that he didn't take it one step further and brand himself as "Dr. Flinn, Medicine Man."
Winner: Marijuana, which the voters in Colorado approved for "recreational use." A measure to allow "medical marijuana" in Arkansas failed by a 52-48 percent margin. Medical marijuana, as anyone who's visited California or Colorado in recent years can tell you, is a sham. If you have a headache, a toothache, "depression," or an inflamed bunion, you can get a "prescription for pot. Colorado just cut out the hypocrisy.
Winner: Gay rights. Maryland and Maine voted to allow gay marriage, joining a number of other states that have legitimized it. If anyone thinks this isn't going to keep happening around the country, I've got a joint for you to smoke. Heh.
Losers: The residents of Tennessee, which will be served by a state House and Senate that features a veto-proof "super-majority" of Republicans, negating even the faint hope that Governor Haslam would grow a pair of sensibly-sized cojones and veto some of the wackier legislation soon to be proposed and passed by this bunch of loons.
Winner: Tennessee Congressman Scott DeJarlais, who won re-election despite sordid and detailed revelations of his numerous affairs, medical malpractice (sleeping with patients), and his urging of one of his mistresses to get an abortion. And, yes, of course, he is "pro-life."
Losers: The fools who voted for this guy — and even those in his district who didn't: You still have a bona-fide sleazebag representing you in Congress. Nice going.
Winners: Democratic Senate candidates, especially women, who won soundly in almost every reasonably contested race, mostly thanks to the Tea Partiers nominated to run against them by the GOP. I'm talking about you, Todd Akin and Richard Mourdock. Note to the GOP: downplaying and de-legitimizing rape is not a winning strategy.
Winner: The person who correctly picked the Electoral Vote totals in my little contest. Unfortunately, until Florida settles out, we won't know for sure. I'll announce the winner as soon as I can.