Calipari: "I was just kidding about the Kentucky job."

Memphis Coach John Calipari told the Flyer today that he planned to remain the coach of the Memphis Tigers for "the rest of my life."

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Memphis Coach John Calipari told the Flyer today that he planned to remain the coach of the Memphis Tigers for "the rest of my life." He said the recent stories about his departure from the Bluff City to take the University of Kentucky coaching job were all part of an elaborate practical joke.

"Everyone was in on it," said Calipari, "the players, the assistant coaches, the recruits, everyone. I just got tired of all the silly speculation and decided to have a little fun with the media. Besides, do you really think I'd want to move to a rathole like Lexington, Kentucky? I mean, most of the fans there don't even have teeth. My wife would kill me."

"John is a guy who likes to have a good laugh," said Memphis AD R.C. Johnson. "So when he came up with this idea, I thought, Why not? The publicity will be great for the university."

As the news of Cal's practical joke spread around the city, Memphians were seen high-fiving on the street and honking their car horns. "That Cal," said Tiger fan I. B. Lyon, "he's always one step ahead. I never believed he'd leave, really. It had to be a joke. I mean, c'mon, Kentucky???"

Calipari also announced today that top recruit John Wall would make a commitment to the U of M as soon as this afternoon.

In other April 1st news: Rush Limbaugh said he now hopes President Obama "succeeds," and the Chrysler Corporation has announced a 68 percent increase in first-quarter profits. Also, Cal's Championship Steakhouse has changed its name to KFC.

--B.V.

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