Opinion » Viewpoint

Bianca Knows Best


Dear Bianca,

I've been chatting with a guy online for several months now. He seems smart, funny, and judging by the picture he sent me, pretty darn hot. We like the same music, the same movies, and we're both huge Trekkies (dorky, I know, but what do you expect from someone whose seeking love in a chat room?).

He lives in Memphis, and so do I. A few days ago, he suggested meeting up at a downtown restaurant. Now, here's the problem: He thinks I'm a 21-year-old female. But I'm actually a 35-year-old man. Oops!

I've really fallen for this guy, but I’m pretty sure he’s not bisexual. So I don't think there’s any chance of making this work. I was hoping to keep the relationship in cyberspace. Is there any way I can hold him off and keep this thing going? Or do I have to tell him the truth? What if he's a huge homophobe and he finds out my real identity? Could my life be in danger?

— trekkieliar35

Dear Trekkie Liar,

Wow, what a fun plot twist this would be on an episode of To Catch a Predator! But seriously, are you freakin' crazy?!

It's fine to lie about your age (give or take a few years) or your eye color in these Internet chatting situations, but your gender?! That's not very cool, especially considering that this guy lives in the same town. Did you seriously think you could maintain a fake relationship online without him ever asking to meet you?

I will say though, that this guy probably should have noticed something was wrong when a "21-year-old female" professed her love for Star Trek. That should have been a dead giveaway that you were an older, dorky dude. No offense, but I don't know any 21-year-old girls who watch that crap.

You have to put a stop to this charade now. However, I would advise not telling him you're a guy. Since you both live in Memphis, and there's no federal hate crime law on the books yet, you're better off watching your ass on this one (no pun intended).

If he's one of those smart hacker types, he might be able to look up something and figure out which computer you've been using, and then he could learn your identity. If he's a homophobe (and god knows, there are plenty of those around here), he might come after you.

Lying got you into this and it may be the best way to get you out. Make up something really gross that will make him not want to meet you. Say you have a nasty, contagious disease.

Or better yet, tell him you just found out that you're knocked up and you don't know whom the father is.

Once this mess is cleaned up, stick to gay chat rooms and be honest about your sexuality. Who knows? You might even find a hot guy who loves Star Trek. Got a problem? Bianca can solve it ... or least give you crappy advice that you can choose to ignore. Send advice queries to bphillips@memphisflyer.com.

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