I'm an openly gay man with a very accepting family, with the exception of my cousin (we'll call her Debbie). She's super-religious and hasn't been able to accept my lifestyle. When I came out, she shunned me, but her husband (we'll call him Kevin) called to tell me that not only was he okay with it, but he was secretly bisexual.
He started sneaking out of the house on weekend nights to go to the club with me, in the hopes that I could introduce him to some available gay men. At first, it was fun going behind Debbie's back. She was always so mean to me and it seemed like we were serving her right.
But one night Kevin and I drunkenly made out. And the next thing you know, I was having sex with my cousin's husband. I broke things off because it was too weird. Kevin still texts me hoping for booty calls, but now I feel like I've betrayed my family. Should I tell my cousin that I've been having sex with her husband?
Too bad The Jerry Springer Show is in reruns, because this would make for a fabulous episode! But TV show or not, this could result in some real life, chair-throwing, explosive family drama.
As I'm sure you're aware, sleeping with your anti-gay cousin's husband did nothing to further her acceptance of the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender community. In fact, if you tell her the truth, she'll probably hate gay people more than she already does. She'll see your behavior as typical for all gay men, and she'll probably take that hatred to her grave.
But if you don't tell your cousin, you may be doing her more harm. It sounds like Kevin isn't the world's most responsible guy (he did cheat on his wife after all), so who knows if he'll be careful in guarding himself against STDs. If he catches something, he might pass it on it to his wife.
Talk to Kevin and let him know that you're not going to act on any more booty calls. Explain to him your conflict about confessing to Debbie, and suggest that he break things off with her if he plans to pursue other sexual partners.
If he can agree to that, you might be able to avoid telling your cousin about your involvement. But if he intends to stick with her, you'll need to let her know about the affair and her husband's cheating ways. It's for her own good, and, as scary as it may sound, living up to your mistakes is the best way to go. Otherwise, you'll go through life with that dark secret eating away at you.
Got a problem? E-mail Bianca at firstname.lastname@example.org