According to yet another useless list created by Forbes, the Memphis Zoo's recently hatched penguins are the fourth ugliest baby animals in the country, coming in just behind the Detroit Zoo's baby tapir and just ahead of Cleveland's even uglier set of baby penguins. Forbes' methodology was to show photographs to 13 13-year-old girls who then selected a box indicating whether the animal depicted was hot or not. The rating process has been criticized by a variety of penguin lovers and people who haven't lost all brain function.
Okay, so maybe none of that actually happened. Like our heroes at Forbes — who think Memphis is the most miserable, crime-ridden place in the world — Fly on the Wall will never allow accuracy to stand in the way of hot copy.
When Tommy Wilson, a speaker at the recent Ignite Memphis said, "We're going to use a cannon of mass beautification," he meant:
A) He has invented a bomb that fixes bad teeth.
B) It's finally time to blow up Frayser.
C) He's going to shoot flower seeds into blighted areas of the city.
Answer: C, which sounds great, if somewhat less effective, than option A or B.
According to newspaper reporter Jeanne Kniaz, a message outside a Memphis church has "sparked complaints from some residents." The sign, which reads, "God calls pastors to have their own wife thus avoiding fornication," is located in front of the First Baptist Church in Memphis, Michigan, a city clearly trying to emulate its Southern namesake.
By Chris Davis. E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org.