The apocalypse never begins like you think it will. It was a lovely Friday afternoon when Lauren Lee, Fox 13's bulldog reporter on the giant monster beat, dropped her ominous tweet about a monster owl that was terrorizing residents of the High Point neighborhood in East Memphis.
"An Owl described as being 20 pounds, 5 ft wing span, attacking people in the Hedgemoore/High Point neighborhood!" Lee wrote, capping it all off with a newsy exclamation point!
Owls usually weigh between three and five pounds, so this was big news. The first photos of Owlzilla looked like something one might see on the History Channel's MonsterQuest.
According to Lee, this enormous owl had also robbed a man of his hat, iPod, and earbuds. It was only a matter of hours before @HighPointOwl was posting funny, if somewhat frightening, comments on Twitter: "Church hats #WhyILoveSundays."
In a painfully pun-laden column ("A real 'Whoodunnit'"), The Commercial Appeal's Geoff Calkins passed on an even more vivid description from no less credible a source than Shelby County district attorney general Amy Weirich, an alleged victim of the High Point Owl's winged fury.
"And sure enough, this bird comes flying at the top of my head," Weirich was quoted as saying. "It had the wing span of a Buick. It was the biggest thing I've ever seen in my life."
For perspective, the biggest owls have 60-inch wingspans, so our Buick-sized owl is clearly a radioactive anomaly or demon from hell. Forget about Manny the Mississippi Manatee, and move over, Midtown Coyote. Memphis has a new weird animal stalking the night. And this one wants your Apple products.