The Commercial Appeal used to advertise itself with the catchphrase, "If you haven't read it, it's still news" -- a blatant fabrication easily dispelled by entering virtually any public house and announcing, "Hey, everybody, I just read that they shot JFK!" Still, the slogan's benign hyperbole was far superior to the paper's most recent campaign, which features cats reading the newspaper. That's right, CATS reading the newspaper. You just can't make these things up. The most recent ad features a positively evil-looking feline named Mr. Tinkles, who wears some kind of high-tech magnifying device cocked back on his furry little head. Mr. Tinkles claims to have achieved "superior intelligence" by reading the newspaper every day. As if it weren't common knowledge that all cats, no matter how much they read, are compulsive liars and not to be trusted.