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Being a fairly typical suburbanite of lowered expectations and heightened apathy, I tend to ignore most political controversy but I just discovered that while I was out-- of the I240 loop and several others - the Senate Majority Leader has raised an objection to Gay Marriage. What really baffles me is that this disapproval was raised on legal and even ‘sacramental’ grounds-- whatever that is. I agree that this concept is a threat to our Democracy but it is obvious to me that he has missed the point completely. It is axiomatic that marriage is a surrender of freedom. If life is indeed a series of choices, as some would have it, then one can be left with the impression that this is the last one you get to make on your own. After that, a decision about a brand of toothpaste or the exact placement of a paint chip on the chromatic spectrum can begin a conflict that would put Lincoln-Douglas to shame. Feminists have even equated this loss of freedom with actual slavery-- a point to which I would have objected if my wife had let me. I think we can agree that living in this state of constant compromise stifles creativity. When men make up stories about how bowling three games with the boys takes five hours, it doesn’t sound plausible even to them. Abilities of abstract thought and even speech tend to atrophy. Old married people don’t even communicate in complete sentences. Generally one or two code words followed by a grunt are all that’s necessary to convey a spouse’s weekly itinerary and the lack of fulfillment contained therein. This brings me to my point. The real question is not whether we ought to allow gays to enter into this state of reduced vitality, but whether we can afford it! America is much more than an international bully. Sure, it’s how we have the most fun, but we are also the worldwide arbiters of style and culture. It is our major export. And who do you think makes these creative decisions? George Will? If gays are allowed to marry, our only drama export will be screenplays of Tom Clancy books and our entries in the fall fashion shows will be done in tweed-- probably earth tones with big leather belts and sensible shoes. Gay marriage could destroy our influence - perhaps our economy - in a single dull generation. While I recognize and applaud Senator Frist’s opposition, I urge him and his constituency to wake up and smell the Lanvin. To the gay citizenry I say stop this insanity! Forget all this Marriage nonsense and live together the way God and the Senator intended. We need you just the way you are.

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