For New Year's Eve, you could:
Break out all the pictures of your exes. Make sure that you are alone. Bust out a gallon of tequila and toast each picture by listing the many ways you are better off without a particular ex. Every time you think of a new reason you are better off, take another shot until you are crying and throwing up all over the carpet and calling out, "Mama, it hurts, it hurts! Why didn't you tell me it was going to hurt like this?"
Or you could watch the ball drop with Grandma (or on Grandma). How about, if you're straight, going out with your gay friends (or vice versa) to ensure a very unsatisfying and insincere New Year's kiss? Or why not try utilizing data from the NCAA's Bowl Championship Series Formula to tabulate what it would have taken for the U of M football team to qualify for a New Year's Day bowl game?
Need more of a challenge? 1) Come up -- once and for all -- with the term we're supposed to use for this decade. The "Oughts"? The "Twenty-hundreds"? 2) Stand in front of a mirror naked under a fluorescent light cataloging every flaw on your body. 3) Try to remember even one episode of Knight Rider.
Or, better yet, you could:
On Beale Street
Get down at ALFRED'S (197 Beale, 525-3711) with the party tunes of Nation. Or how about the Beale Street TAP ROOM (168 Beale, 527-4392, $10 cover)? Corey Osborne & The Rhythm System will be there. Or you could always go to BLUES HALL COFFEE HOUSE (182 Beale, 528-0150, $15 cover) with the groovy sound of Stone Ground Kelly. CLUB 152 (152 Beale, 544-7011) will have The 5 That Framed O.J. in the house, or for $29.99 you could go to DICK'S LAST RESORT (340 Beale, 543-0900). The price includes reserved seating, cover charge, appetizer, entrée, dessert, survival kit (you'll need it), and a champagne toast at midnight. Local classic-rock band Cherry Bomb is playing. $10 cover.
ELVIS PRESLEY'S MEMPHIS (126 Beale, 527-9036) is hosting an elegant dinner with reserved seating, party favors, and a champagne toast at midnight for $65. The Alexander Band will be there, and who knows, maybe He'll show up. Gabby Johnson will be rockin' at the HARD ROCK CAFE (315 Beale, 529-0007, $10 cover), party favors and champagne provided, door prizes and food into the wee hours of the morning. People have spent many a New Year's Eve at KING'S PALACE CAFE (162 Beale, 521-1851). This year you could grab some jazz from The Charlie Wood Trio with Renardo Ward (5:30-9:30 p.m.) and stay for the rock group Crash Into June (10 p.m.-2 a.m.) or get out on the patio for the Memphis James Trio, all for a $10 cover.
The Fast Connections Band is LEGENDS On Beale's (326 Beale, 523-7444) house band and said to be wearing it out on a regular basis. The NEW DAISY Theatre (330 Beale, 525-8979) is featuring hard-rock bands In The Balance, Logic 34, Piston Honda, My Surrender, and New Foundation for only an $8 cover -- doors open at 7 p.m. For a good ol' fashioned Liberty Bowl party, the folks at O'SULLIVAN'S (183 Beale, 522-9596) invite you to come before the game, during, and after. You could dine at the RUM BOOGIE CAFE (182 Beale) and be entertained by The Delta Cats from 5:30 to 9:30 p.m. followed up by James Govan & The Boogie Blues Band at 10 p.m. Prices range from $55 to $85 and include a three-course dinner with two complimentary drinks per person, party favors and a gift, and one bottle of champagne per couple (for reservations call 528-0150). $15 cover charge at the door.
Join the folks at BOSCOS (7615 West Farmington Blvd., in Saddlecreek, 756-7310) for a special evening, including Carol Plunk's brand of folk rock, a four-course meal, and limited-edition Boscos beer -- all for $60. You could dance to the music selections of DJ Keith Autry, or you could eat a delicious four-course dinner, or you could do both at EQUESTRIA Restaurant & Lounge (3165 Forest Hill-Irene Road, 869-2663). HUEY'S in Cordova (1771 N. Germantown Parkway, 754-3885) will feature The Lakesiders starting at 9 p.m. for a $5 cover. The JONES CLUB (1275 Hezekiah Rd., 309-3007, $6 cover) will feature reggae and R&B from DJ Hip Hop and free champagne. Join Chaser at TJ MULLIGAN'S (8071 Trinity Road, 756-4480, $7 cover) for a champagne toast.
Direct from Ireland, musician Terry McElroy will be at the DAN MCGUINESS PUB (150 Peabody Place, 2nd Street, 527-8500), and there will be Irish dancers in the mall from 10 to 11 p.m. EARNESTINE & HAZEL'S (531 S. Main, 523-9754) is only charging $10 for party favors, free cocktail beverages (a real bonus), and live music upstairs. THE FLYING SAUCER (130 Peabody Place, 523-8536) has like 3 gazillion beers on tap and they're serving them up "Mardis Gras"-style (not sure what that means, but it probably involves nudity) with live entertainment provided by Aqua Net. Parallel Parker will be at HUEY'S (77 S. Second, 527-2700) $5 cover. Hot-buttered ISAAC HAYES will be performing at his signature restaurant and club located in Peabody Place. Seating is limited, so call 529-9222 today. You could head down to THE PEABODY for their Lobby Bar Party featuring jazz/blues artist Di Anne Price & Her Boyfriends and lots of extras ($25 cover).
Okay, we're getting hungry just thinking about these choices: papaya and mango grilled lobster and broiled beef tenderloin stuffed with sun-dried tomato pesto and coated with cracked-pepper demi-glace (and that's just the beginning!). The price is right -- only $35.95 -- at RIALTO'S Restaurant & Bar (135 S. Main, 432-3675). SLEEP OUT LOUIE'S (88 Union, 527-5337) will have The Brian Sharp Band. Join folk musician Rick McKean, who will be rockin' at TJ MULLIGAN'S (362 N. Main, 523-1453) from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. for a champagne toast (no cover!).
Get a room! The ADAM'S MARK's (939 Ridge Lake Blvd.) dinner, party and guest room, plus Klockwork and Pam & The Passions playing classic and contemporary hits. Music starts at 9 p.m. Call 684-6664 for information on prices and reservations. THE BOTTOM LINE (1817 Kirby Parkway, 755-2481) will have party giveaways, a free champagne toast, and The Plaintiffs starting at 9:30 p.m. No Cover at PATRICK'S (4698 Spottswood, 682-2853) and The Fabulous Steeler Band will provide the entertainment. Sekisui PACIFIC RIM will be serving its regular menu (if you could call it regular) until 2 a.m. with free champagne at midnight.
CLUB 51 (6560 Highway 51, 872-0151) is going to get rowdy with a hybrid band called The Killer Minks, featuring Mike Wade and Mike Steele. VFW Post 4916 (847 Whitney Ave., 353-2118) for a New Year's Eve party? Sources say they really know how to have a good time. Their New Year's breakfast will be served after midnight and goes for $25 per couple.
CAFE ROCK (3297 Kirby Parkway, 366-4395) will offer free champagne and party favors along with live entertainment from the Back Street Crawlers and a breakfast special at midnight. The cover into this party is $25 per couple and $15 if you're solo. C.O.D. will be at TJ MULLIGAN'S (6635 Kirby, 753-8056, $5 cover).
If herbed lobster and wild-mushroom spring rolls or black-mushroom-crusted loin of lamb or vanilla bean and raspberry crème brûlée sound good, then you just might want to call THE BLUE MOON (3092 Poplar in Chickasaw Oaks Plaza, 324-4131) and ask about its four-course New Year's dinner. Celtic rockers, The Sally Macs will be at the BLUE MONKEY (3092 Poplar in Chickasaw Oaks Plaza, 272-BLUE) and The Revelators will be at HUEY'S (1927 Madison Ave., 726-4372, $5 cover). KOTO (22 South Cooper) is offering a menu of lovely Japanese-French fusion cuisine for $60 per person. To make reservations call 722-2244. DJ Carol will be serving up dance tunes at MADISON FLAME (1588 Madison Ave., 278-9839) for a $10 cover that includes party favors and champagne. The FRENCH QUARTER SUITES (2144 Madison Ave.) is offering a $189 package that includes a suite for two, a bottle of Totts champagne, souvenir champagne glasses, party favors, live entertainment by Todd Hale, and a late checkout time (1 p.m.) for the day after (call 728-4000). One of Memphis' favorite roots-rock bands, Lucero, plus Snowglobe, will be playing at The HI-TONE (1913 Poplar, 278-TONE).
MELANGE (948 S. Cooper) is offering music from DJs Sean O.D. and Brad Stylus late into the night. Call 276-0002 for reservations. And at NEIL'S (1835 Madison Ave., 278-6345) there will be no cover but plenty of party favors and music by DJ Neil himself. The folks at P&H CAFE (1532 Madison Ave., 726-0906) are always fun to party with anytime, and on New Year's they will feature live entertainment from Eric Lewis. There will be no cover at the YOUNG AVENUE DELI (2119 Young Ave., 278-0034) -- but there will be no band either. There will be some undisclosed party freebies.
University of Memphis
Grizlo, The Emily Patterson Band, and Pheenaphonic will be NEWBY'S (539 S. Highland, 452-8408).
The Venus Mission will be playing dance music from the '80s at the ISLE OF CAPRI CASINO (877-711-4753) in Tunica. At BALLY'S (800-38-BALLY), Jason D. Williams, and patriotic Lee Greenwood at GRAND CASINO (800-39-GRAND). Dr. Zarr's Amazing Funk Monster plays HARRAH'S (800-HARRAHS).
STAGE STOP (2951 Cela, Austin Peay at Stage Rd., 382-1577) is featuring live entertainment from T.N.A., a local band that became popular in the mid-'80s, Sinister's Grin, a new band from the Shelby Forest area, and Medicine Man out of Nashville. All this plus party favors and dance music from DJ Slick Rick for only an $8 cover charge.
The Memphis Symphony Orchestra will feature Broadway vocalist Craig Schulman for a special New Year's Eve performance beginning at 8 p.m. at the GERMANTOWN PERFORMING ARTS CENTRE. Call 324-3627. "Alternatives For Single Adults" sounds, well, like something you might see in the classifieds of the Flyer, but since this event is hosted by BELLEVUE BAPTIST CHURCH, it's not. Instead, they're going to have live spoofs of vintage television shows, Belgian waffles, create-your-own omelets, coffee, espresso and a chocolate fondue bar. This will cost you $25 unless you are a single parent ($15). Call 347-5780 for advance tickets. Friends and supporters of HANDS ON MEMPHIS will once again ring in the New Year at the organization's annual ball, one of its largest fund-raisers. And this year the party has been moved downtown to the beautiful Cadre Building (149 Monroe) and features Shagadoo, a 5-piece eclectic funk band from the Delta, and DJ Stash, a hip vinyl spinner from Nashville. This black-tie event sells out to a crowd of 800, so get your tickets early by calling 725-2132. Ticket price is $90 per person.