IN THE PAINT
Lately Ive begun realizing that my relationship is as stale as 7-day-old toast. Im completely bored by everything my boyfriend does, says, and is. I still love him but I find myself flirting with other guys all the time. Sometimes even in front of him. Hes never said anything about it so I dont know if he realizes I dont talk to him that way anymore.
Recently, though, he asked me to move in with him. I have a nagging feeling it wasn't an entirely amorous question because my lease is up soon and we both live in expensive one-bedroom apartments. I told him to give me some time to think about it. What Im wondering is, do you think moving in together could possibly bring some spice to our lives? Im not sure I could live with the boredom otherwise.
Please Pass the Salt
If by spice you mean that kind that goes along with fighting all the time and hating each others guts, I would say, by all means, yes, move in together it will solve everything. But Im guessing you mean the other, cable television type of spice and that seems a little less likely.
Heres the thing. If youre bored now, Im not sure how moving in together is going to solve that. It seems to me youll be around each other more and if youre bored of it now, more of the same old, same old isnt going to help. Imagine if, for a few hours every day, you had to watch paint dry. Sounds bad, doesnt it? Now imagine if you had to watch that paint dry all day long -- youd go insane.
Ive always been a proponent of the if-youve-got-a-good-thing-going-you-dont-need-to-go-ruin-it-just-because-it-isnt-new school of thought. However, with relationships you have trade-offs. For instance, your boyfriend isnt all shiny and new like whoever it is youre flirting with; at the same time, that guy youre flirting with doesnt know or care about you like your boyfriend does. So you could break up with the old guy out right, just say to hell with it, and find someone that excites you. The last thing you want to do is get stuck in something that doesnt make you happy. And since youre calling him your boyfriend, Im assuming that you arent married and they are no kids involved. So go.
On the other hand, you can stay and build on the relationship, work through this tiredness youre feeling with him. Im not sure --as I havent had one that didnt -- but I think all relationships get stale after a little while. If you make a habit of running as soon as your new guy stops entertaining you 24/7, youre going to spend a lot of time on the road.
Do nice guys ever finish first? Im sort of a quiet guy and Im wondering why I cant catch a break. Im a bank manager with a nice income, pretty good style (I think) and I am not ugly (in fact, most women say I have really great hair).
Im also polite and courteous; I pull out chairs; I open doors; I bring flowers AND candy. But inevitably, the woman Im interested in will say the dreaded f- word: friend. I just want to be friends. Or, I didnt realize you wanted to date me, I thought we were just friends. There have been times when Ive wanted to throw courtesy out the window and scream, Do any of your other friends bring you flowers every time they see you?
Do I need to revert back to my inner cave man to get a date whos interested? Should I grunt and beat my chest? Not bring them flowers? What do I need to do? All my friends are killing me.
Just a Friend
Its the eternal question: Why do women want the man on the Harley when they can have the man in the Honda Accord? Its not a bad-looking car, youll never get wet if its starts to rain unexpectedly, and its pretty reliable. The Harley, on the other hand, its loud and dirty ... and, oh, its exciting. (Excitement seems to be the theme for today, doesnt it? Hmm.)
Unfortunately, Friend, I cant really tell you exactly why girls like the bad boy. I want to tell you, but I just dont know. Maybe its the excitement of being with someone who doesnt follow the rules, but lives on his own terms. Or maybe its some biological thing about the challenge of the hunt. With good guys like yourself, its easy to see youre enamored. Bor
-ing. Bad boys dont call when they say theyre going to and they never bring flowers, so the girl has to work to ensnare them into her web. Like I said, I cant really explain it. When I attempt to try, it just sounds weak. Maybe its just that the bad boy is damn sexy. Who knows?
So, your little problem ... should you grunt and beat your chest? I would say no. Go ahead and be yourself, but ... just not too much. Its a sad fact that people play games. I think we all hate that, but ... if you dont play games and everyone else does, youll lose out. Try not to pin your heart to your sleeve so fast; go ahead and be polite and be courteous, but dont let her step all over you (itll make you seem needy and no one wants someone needy. Besides, she can buy a doormat from Target).
Heres the other thing I would say: when you ask a girl out, make sure she knows its a date, especially if you have been friends for a while. Dont beat around the bush with a lets-hang-out-tonight or a lets-meet-up-for-drinks. Those are things we say to our friends, dreaded or no.
On the other hand, dont go overboard with a cheesy pickup line like You-must-be-tired-youve-been-running-through-my-mind-all-day, either. Just say something in between the two extremes, maybe: I was hoping the two of us could have a nice, quiet dinner at Paulettes. Theres no ambiguity there. Its obvious that youre interested in her as more than a friend, but it doesnt scream I-want-to-have-sex-with-you-now.
And if you go to Paulettes and she says something about just being friends, split the check. Friends go Dutch.
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