Opinion » The Rant

People Are No Damn Good

The robbery and vandalization of Alcenia’s is just the worst.

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First of all, somebody needs a good, old-fashioned ass-whipping. I usually don't condone violence or harming another person physically under any circumstances, but somebody needs an ass-whipping. And that would be whoever it was who broke into Alcenia's soul food restaurant last week, vandalized it, and stole owner B.J. Tamayo's new computer. I know it's hot in Memphis and people are acting like fools and robbing stores and carjacking folks and shooting each other and beating on their spouses and all that stupid, ignorant, inexcusable rigmarole, and I know that no matter what we do as a people that's never going to come to a complete end. Hopefully, someday, it will slow down a little bit when there's more economic equality in the world, but that's not happening any time soon and whoever did this to Alcenia's needs an ass-whipping.

Here is this tiny, wonderful, usually struggling restaurant where both locals and people from all over the world come for the fried chicken and smothered cabbage and "ghetto aid," as B.J. calls it, and where she hugs and kisses every customer who comes through the door no matter who they are, and somebody broke in and vandalized it. That's like breaking into and vandalizing a church or an orphanage or a convent. But come on. Alcenia's? I'd like to find the person or people who did this and administer the ass-whipping myself. Well, as long as they are bound so they can't fight, because I'm a chicken and a wimp when it comes to that kind of thing.

MRCHAN | DREAMSTIME.COM
  • Mrchan | Dreamstime.com

If anyone out there has any information about who did this to my beloved Alcenia's, call that number they show on the news all the time. CrimeStoppers or something. Hold on, I'll look it up. It's 528- CASH (2274). And that's an interesting website. They have an 11-page list of wanted criminals. That's a lot. I checked to see if there was anyone on there that I knew and could rat out for $1,000 but didn't recognize anyone. Ironically, there are several people on there whose looks are not altogether unlike the Amish. I guess it's the new trend of men sporting long beards.

The latest arrest that got my attention was that of the young newlyweds in Mississippi who were arrested for apparently planning to honeymoon in Syria and join ISIS. There's something really strange about this one. First off, the news reported they were arrested at an airport near Columbus, Mississippi. An airport near Columbus, Mississippi? Really? There's an airport down there? So I looked that up, too, and sure enough, there is one. It's the Golden Triangle Regional Airport. Who'da thunk it? It's kind of odd that they were arrested for "thinking about doing this" and that the evidence consists of things they wrote on social media. Can you actually be arrested for "thinking" about joining a certain group? Even ISIS? And the last I read they were being held without bond. Using a phrase a dear friend of mine coined in regard to torturing would-be terrorists in Mississippi, I wonder if the FBI is gravy-boarding them to get information out of them. I would love to have read more about this, but when I tried, a giant image popped up covering the article with graphics asking me if I planned to buy an external hard drive and which kind would I be most likely to buy. It gave me a range of options including USB/stick drive, computer hard drive, and some others. It also gave me the option to ignore that question and move on to a new one. It never went away.

So I can't tell you the latest news on the couple in Mississippi who might or might not have been thinking about honeymooning in Syria to join ISIS, because I can't read news on the computer without being assaulted with pop-up questionnaires and ads for Nexium. And wherever I go online now, this image of a guy in Ireland named "Pa" pops up on the right of the screen with him asking me to be friends with him on Facebook. I mean, I can be looking up a recipe for vichyssoise or looking for deals on raccoon removal, and this dude's mug is constantly staring at me wanting to be friends. And he has maybe 12 Facebook friends, which, if you are on Facebook intentionally, is not the greatest sign. All I want to know is, why me? Why would he want to be Facebook friends with me? Why can I not read an article about Mississippi millennials planning to honeymoon in Syria to join ISIS without an unwanted questionnaire blocking the article asking me how I store my online files? I guess now that I have entered the word "ISIS" into my computer several times, I will be followed by even more stalkers online. WHY ME? Oh, yes, it's not just me.

But back to the ass-whipping. If anyone can find out who broke into Alcenia's and vandalized it, I will personally give you a reward. In the meantime, if you have, or know of anyone who has, a good working computer and the skills to set it up (that would not be me), please give B.J. a call and give it to her. That would kick ass.

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