America's war on terror was dragging on, and the President of the United States was out of options. In a last ditch effort, he did what any right-thinking chief executive would do. He consulted with porn star/administrative assistant Stormy Daniels and made a grave request.
"I need you to help me to save the world," the President said to Daniels. "Can you do that?" he pleaded. "Can you be the hero?"
The porn star's bosom swelled with pride. Her patriotic response was certain, and it came fast. "Yes, sir," she cooed as only a porn star/administrative assistant can, that she would travel to the Middle East and do whatever it takes to take out the bad guy AKA evil Ron Jeremy in a turban.
Is it weird to anybody else that this scene from Operation Desert Stormy doesn't sound that far fetched today?
Daniels (visiting Memphis this week on her Make America Horny Again tour) became the world's most famous adult entertainer and has been generating a seemingly inexhaustible stream of national headlines since news first broke that she allegedly had an affair with President Donald Trump in 2006 and was paid $130,000 in hush money. The recent notoriety isn't Daniels' first brush with politics.
It wasn't POTUS who called Daniels to service, it was a group of Louisiana citizens who wanted the Baton Rouge native to come home from Florida and run for Senate against the incumbent, David Vitter, a "family values" Republican caught up in 2007's "D.C. madame" scandal. Daniels, a lifelong Democrat, answered the call and changed parties after learning that the RNC had spent funds in a lesbian bondage club in Hollywood.
"I cannot help but recognize that over time my libertarian values regarding both money and sex and the legal use of one for the other is now best espoused by the Republican Party," she was quoted as saying before ultimately dissolving her campaign. Daniels will be in Memphis demonstrating said values Monday, June 18th at The Pony. She'll be available for meet and greets at 9 p.m. and 11 p.m.