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1. An audit reveals that city school warehouse workers have allegedly stolen half a million dollars of mechanical equipment. Among other things, the employees ordered more air-conditioning fans than needed and possibly sold the extras. See? If we hadn't air-conditioned the schools, this never would have happened.

2. The Center City Commission approves a resolution to "consider and evaluate" renaming Confederate, Forrest, and Jefferson Davis Parks. We guess the only way to make everyone happy is to give these places completely innocuous names: "That Park By UT," "That Park Down by the River," and "That Park On Front Street by the Post Office."

3. After a week on eBay, the boarding-house bathtub where James Earl Ray stood while shooting Dr. Martin Luther King has drawn no bids. Meanwhile, the owner of one of the few remaining Merrymobiles has put it up for auction on eBay. At this rate, it's only a matter of time before someone decides eBay is the best place to sell that statue of Nathan Bedford Forrest.

4. George Howard Putt, who terrorized Memphis during a killing spree in the summer of 1969, was originally sentenced to 497 years in prison. Yet Putt faces a parole hearing next month. What's the point of handing down the longest sentence in Shelby County history if you're eligible for parole with - let's see - 461 years left to go? n

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