1. Thieves break into a warehouse in Frayser and steal a soil-testing machine that contains radioactive materials. They should be easy to find. Just turn off the streetlights, and the cops can follow the deadly glow.
2. Midtowners claim they've seen wild coyotes roaming the streets, and a bat that later tests positive for rabies swoops down and bites a person close to Overton Park. Oh, and then there's that pesky West Nile virus, which can be spread by mosquitoes. Yikes. They should film the next Survivor here.
3. The University of Memphis Tigers beat undefeated UTEP 27-20, scoring the winning points in the final minute. Whew, that was a thriller! Not only did DeAngelo Williams have his third 200-plus-yard game in a row, our quarterback didn't break a leg this time. It's the little things that count, you know.
4. Citing security concerns, FedEx drops its jumpseat privileges for most employees. This was one of the company's most popular perks -- allowing FedEx staffers to ride along for free in the cargo jets. Well, we're absolutely, positively sure they can come up with something.
5. Nightclub owner Jerry Westlund of California claims city officials have given him the green light to open a topless club down the street from Sun Studio. The neighbors worry that the club will bring drugs and prostitutes to the area. This could give new meaning to "Burning Love."