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The Cheat Sheet



1 The Canadian National Railroad (CNR) plans to spend $100 million expanding its facilities in southwest Memphis. Forgive our ignorance, but we always assumed CNR operated in other, faraway places -- you know, like Canada. It turns out they run trains all the way to Mexico. Well, if a Southern city like Memphis can be a hub for Northwest Airlines, we'll be glad to handle Canadian trains too.

2 The Commercial Appeal's headline last week seemed rather vague: "Person To Retire From Senate." We thought, gosh, don't they even know the guy's name? Turns out it's state senator Curtis Person, who's been a legislator since 1966. That's a long time, senator. You deserve the rest.

3 The minister of the Memphis Inner City Church has to pepper-spray a busload of children after they scuffle aboard a church bus. First question: How many local ministers carry pepper-spray for use against their own church members? Second question: What provoked the fight? Satanic possession?

4 Four Olive Branch high school students rappel through a skylight and vandalize their school, spray-painting graffiti that -- they hope -- will make police think the damage was done by kids from another school. They scamper back up the ropes to escape. It's not clear what led to their arrest, but it makes us wonder: What are they teaching kids in P.E. classes these days?

Tunica County officials plan to spend $400,000 studying the feasibility of a monorail linking all the casinos. They can save that money, we think, by just looking at the pair of monorails used to reach Mud Island.

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