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The Cheat Sheet

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Thousands of new Comcast customers have encountered problems transferring their former RoadRunner accounts to the new Internet provider. Last week, a Comcast rep acknowledged they were handling more than 5,000 calls a day -- though we're not sure being put on hold for 45 minutes and then disconnected qualifies as "handling." Until this is straightened out, we're going back to our tried-and-true method: a pair of tin cans connected with a string.

Four East High School students play hooky and go on a mini crime spree from East Memphis to Germantown, attempting to rob four people and, all told, only getting about $30. At one point, they even went back to school for lunch, then set out again before police spotted their car -- which had been filmed on numerous surveillance cameras all over town -- and arrested the young men. Let this be a lesson to all you kids out there: Stay in school.

Police report that a burglar

hacked through the roof of a South Memphis Walgreens, lowered himself into the store with an extension cord, and, using a power saw, cut into the safe and stole more than $14,000. We think we saw the same thing on Mission: Impossible.

A pharmacology professor at the University of Tennessee Health Science Center has pleaded guilty to drug-trafficking charges. Well, if you're determined to buy things like methadone, we suppose you should at least purchase the stuff from people who know what they are doing.

Victoria's Secret, at first criticized when it became public the stores never prosecute shoplifters, has apparently changed its policy. We don't know the details, but let's just say that if you go into the store dressed like Britney Spears or Paris Hilton and you leave wearing underwear, well, they'd better be yours.

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