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The Cheat Sheet

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In February, a Millington man has his wife arrested when she throws him the TV remote control a bit harder than expected. After he complains, they get into a tussle, and she dumps him out of bed. Police come and arrest the woman for assault. With Valentine's Day just around the corner, we can think of the perfect gift for this woman: bail.

An ultrasound confirms in the spring that the Zoo's panda Ya Ya is indeed about to become a Ma Ma. Pandas rarely give birth in captivity, so if all goes well, the cub would be one of about a dozen pandas ever born in the United States. Meanwhile, the proud papa should be handing out cigars. What? Artificial insemination? Oh. Well, maybe whoever used the syringe — or however the heck they do it (we really don't want to know) can do the honors.

Agents with the Tennessee Wildlife Resources Agency — in an undercover sting with the deadly accurate title of "Operation Striking Distance" — make arrests throughout the state in July and confiscate more than 100 poisonous reptiles. The catch includes vipers, copperheads, rattlesnakes, and even something called a monocled cobra, whose bite can kill an adult in less than 15 minutes. Look, with all the murders, shootings, and stabbings around here, we really don't need snakes to make our city more dangerous.

Also in July, former state senator Kathryn Bowers, one of many nabbed in the Tennessee Waltz sting, pleads guilty to bribery to avoid a trial. With so many of our politicians heading to prison, perhaps we should take their mug shots when they are elected, just to save time.

During October, gunmen pick the wrong fellow to rob when they try to hold up a carpenter in Cordova. The victim was building a fence, and when the men told him to "Stick 'em up" he just followed their orders and picked up his pneumatically powered nail gun and starting firing. The men ran off, ducking nails the whole way, but were nabbed later. They were lucky he wasn't using a chain saw.

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