Opinion » The Rant

The Rant



Could the pictures not have portrayed the nanny to be just a tiny bit attractive? Talk about bad press. Which leads me to think: If that little national pet monkey of ours thinks he's having troubles with the press showing only the "bad news" about his war in Iraq, he needs to take his next vacation here. And he ought to be dressed up like a woman. Now that he has blamed the failure of his war on the media for showing images of violence in order to delight the insurgents, it looks like some of the news outlets are slapping him back a little bit and showing even more violence and focusing on areas of Iraq that he claims are success stories. I saw one report during which the reporter simply reported on how dangerous it is to report from Iraq at all because of all the havoc. It's a good thing there's not a civil war going on over there. I'd hate to lose my resolve. And just how is it that an Iraqi ex-prime minister, one who is on our side, can claim his country is in a state of civil war and the national pet monkey just says, "Oh, no, it's not!" I wonder if he argued with Laura like that when she was busy shaking up her White House staff by firing her pastry chef and hiring a new one. Must be tough out there for a first lady while the country is at war. But back to Bush coming to Tennessee and wearing a dress. If he wants the media to shift their focus away from all the death and destruction he's causing in the Middle East, he needs to come to Memphis and walk down Main Street wearing a strapless ball gown. It certainly wouldn't harm his credibility to have on a pair of long rhinestone earrings, because he doesn't have any. Credibility, that is. I don't know about the earrings. I wonder how much he would look like his mother if he put on a powdered wig. Now that he has the potential to be even creepier than the situation in Dyersburg (with all due respect, I don't know this nanny and he/she could be a very, very nice person). And I bet the media would haul ass from the war to get back over here and cover that. Oh, and think of what his sidekick, Dick, might look like wearing a little page-boy bob cut and some long pearls. With that scowl that's frozen on his face, he might just make for the single most unattractive person on earth. I think that particular image has the potential to make everyone drop their guns and bombs for a moment while they recover from the shock. Come on, George and Dick! Dress up like women for the sake of peace! If they could work out a little dance routine and sing a rousing rendition of "I Don't Want No Ricochet Romance," it might just be over in a flash. Surely, people from all walks of life would stop fighting to watch that. I would even stop talking about my cats for a day or two. So put on some matching gingham jumpers, men, and come on down to Tennessee. The press will be good to you. And it might just give you something new to say. South Park creators, are you listening?

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