Opinion » The Rant

The Rant



I will gladly give up oil, gas, my car, home heating, and all travel other than horseback if someone will make Condoleezza Rice just shut her mouth. While I applaud her for discontinuing the practice of rolling the back of her hair with a telephone pole, this latest little visit to see Foreign Minister Jack Straw in his hometown of Blackburn, England, and their surprise visit to Baghdad and the remarks they both made were like some kind of bad cartoon. With hundreds of people protesting her visit because she is a warmongering scab on the skin of humanity, she just kept yammering on with the same B.S., saying all the while that she appreciated the "warm" reception she received, that it was good for people to protest because that's what democracy is all about. Well, sister, listen up: The reception you received was not "warm." They had to cancel your visit to a mosque because if you had darkened its door you would have been in danger. Yes, even though you proclaimed back in December that the U.S. military has never and will never torture people, I think the folks at Abu Ghraib might have to disagree with you just a wee tiny bit. If you think protests constitute a testament to democracy, why don't you pay the protestors a little respect and LISTEN to what they are saying instead of just blindly plowing ahead with your rhetoric about how invading Iraq was a good idea. And then to have the condescending gall to "warn" Iraq to form a unity government and form it now, after we've gone in and blown the place to bits and thrown it into such a state of upheaval that no one knows whether they or their children will survive another day? Would you like them to convene tomorrow, during the carnage and insanity, during the 30 or so minutes they have of electricity and running water, and put their names in a hat to see who's going to govern the country? What an embarrassment. And Jack Straw is just about as awful, laughing off the protests and saying he could have done a better job of organizing one and claiming that the two or three people in Blackburn who waved at him and his guest "enthusiastically" represented the majority. Right. The blind leading the blind. The sad thing is that these people have power, even though Ms. Rice is nothing more than a puppet for her big tough boss. It's also sad that, down deep, she is probably not an evil person. Just incredibly misguided. But enough about all that. Until everyone in the White House is impeached or imprisoned for war crimes, nothing's really going to change. And speaking of the White House staff, this latest so-called shake-up is hilarious. I just saw a news report that predicted the next "big move" might be to replace press secretary Scott McLellan. Oooohhh. Now that is a really bold move! That should solidify the Republican Party and make them kissy-kissy with Bush again. Hell, that might even make Iran back off of its nuclear program and missile testing. It will be sad for me, though, as I will no longer be able to play my imaginary dunk-tank game when he's on the tube trying his best to make it through a complete sentence that makes sense. I just wish someone in the media would press him on why newly appointed White House chief of staff Joshua Bolten keeps a copy of the book Walter the Farting Dog on his desk. I guess when the going gets tough around the White House, a little farting humor cheers everyone up. Now THAT is believable. I can vividly see in my mind Bush walking by Bolten's office and saying, "Joshy, I think them dang Iranians are at it again with their nucular [sic] bombs!" and then sticking his hand under his underarm and flapping it about with that stupid look on his face. Maybe he needs to misplace Naomi Campbell's designer jeans and let her knock a little sense into his head.

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